


Group Therapy

by AshKnight



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Swan Queen - Freeform, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-04-09 03:55:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 24,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4332933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshKnight/pseuds/AshKnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma Swan meets Regina Mills in group therapy. Contains potentially triggering content such as self-harm, drug use, and discussion of eating disorders. SwanQueen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Session One

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters contain potentially triggering content, including self-harm, drug use, and discussion of eating disorders. Please read with caution.

To most high school students, the sound of the final school bell means freedom. To Emma Swan, it meant something very different:

Group therapy.

"Such bullshit," she grumbled, gathering her things into her backpack as she stood at her locker.

Once her things were collected and her locker door was shut, she made her way down the hallway and outside where she waited for her mother's car to appear at the curb.

"Ugh. Finally," she groaned, three minutes later, when the cheerful woman pulled up and waved at her from the driver's side.

"Hello, dear!" the woman said happily as Emma climbed into the passenger seat.

"Hey," Emma replied cheerlessly, crossing her arms as she leaned back in the seat.

"What's the matter, dear?" her mother asked, looking over at her as she pulled out of the parking space and onto the main road.

"Your stupid fucking group therapy is what's the matter, Mary Margaret. I don't need therapy, and I don't-"

"Emma Swan!" the woman cried. "Watch your language! Now, maybe you don't see this as a good thing now, but when you're older, you'll thank me. So please, Emma, just go and  _try_ to be positive."

"Yeah, whatever."

So they drove on in silence until they reached the building where the teenager's group therapy was to take place. When they got there, Emma got out of the car and slammed the door without another word. (Well, it's better than 'fuck you,' isn't it?) Once inside the building, Emma looked around, finding a middle-aged woman sitting at the desk near the front door.

"Uh… Hi…" Emma started nervously.

"Can I help you, Miss?" the woman said sweetly.

"I'm… uh… here for group therapy with Doctor Wilson."

"Oh, of course! You're here a little early, but it's right in that room back there."

The woman pointed down the hallway at the only open door and smiled at the young blonde as she walked away.

In the room, Emma found the doctor talking quietly with a young brunette, whose hair, illuminated by the sun streaming in through the window, bounced around her shoulders. As if this wasn't enough to catch Emma's attention, the woman turned around when she heard the blonde enter the room, flashing a stunning smile that stopped the other girl in her tracks.

"Hey," the brunette said, still smiling as she waved at the newcomer.

"Hey," Emma said shortly, her mouth suddenly as dry as sand.

"I'm Regina."

"I… uh… I'm Emma."

There was an awkward pause before the doctor waved at Emma as well and introduced herself.

"And I'm doctor Wilson. It's a pleasure to meet you, Emma. Why don't you have a seat?"

Emma sat down reluctantly on the opposite side of the circle of chairs and watched the two who were watching her just as intently. The silence returned until a couple of boys walked in, talking amongst themselves. Emma turned to watch them enter, but didn't bother to greet them. The other two in the room each gave a wave and a polite, 'Hello.' After a few more people joined them, making it a total of twelve in the room, the doctor cleared her throat to begin the session.

"Good afternoon everyone. I hope you all have had an excellent day so far. I'd like it if we could go around the circle and introduce ourselves." Emma rolled her eyes and sighed loudly, but the doctor just smiled at her and added, "Emma, why don't you start?"

"Uh… okay. I'm Emma. I'm seventeen, I'm gay, and I'm only here because my mom threatened to change and withhold the wifi password."

"That's alright, Emma. We appreciate your honesty. I'm sure most of you would rather be somewhere else right now. What's important is that you are here, and because you are, we should make the best of our time together and try to be productive."

"What's even the point of this?" one of the boys whined. "Therapy is just a bunch of-"

"Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself," the doctor cut in quickly, stopping him from making any offensive comments.

"I'm Killian, and I'd  _definitely_ rather be anywhere else."

"Then what brings you here today?"

"Um… the school said if I didn't go to this stupid group therapy crap I couldn't graduate."

"And why is that?"

"I hit a guy in the face. So what?"

"I'm sure if we could talk to him today, he wouldn't think it was 'so what.' However, we're here today to help  _you,_ so why don't you tell us how that made  _you_ feel, Killian."

"Are you kidding? It felt fucking awesome. The bastard-"

"Let's try to keep our language PG-13, okay?"

"Whatever. Anyway, best moment of my high school career for sure."

"Can you tell us why that is?"

"Because I felt powerful, okay? Isn't that kind of obvious? When you win a fight, you're on top of the world. No one can touch you."

The doctor nodded her head in understanding and looked around the circle at the other disinterested teenagers, then finally asked, "Can anyone else relate to what Killian just said?"

Emma looked around, then reluctantly nodded her head.

"Okay, Emma," the doctor acknowledged. "Can you explain why?"

"Well, it's like he said. Getting into fights… it makes me feel powerful."

"Why?"

"Because I've never lost one?"

"And is that why you're here?"

"No."

The doctor looked at her for a moment, waiting for her to elaborate, and when Emma didn't, she asked, "Then why are you here?"

The blonde shrugged her shoulders and slouched in her seat, staring down at her shoes.

"Okay," the teacher sighed. "That's alright. We'll get there. Anyway, for now, let's continue our introductions. Who wants to go next?"

"I'll go," the beautiful brunette offered, raising her hand slightly. "I'm Regina. I like reading and writing, and I used to be a cheerleader, before I broke my leg after being dropped from a lift."

The doctor smiled at the girl and nodded her head, saying, "Thank you for sharing, Regina. Would you like to tell us why you're here?"

The girl paused, looking around the circle. Her eyes found Emma, who was clearly staring at her (even though she wasn't intending to, and probably didn't even notice that she was doing so). After another moment or two, she replied.

"No."

The doctor looked a little surprised, but nodded her head again and said, "Alright. Thank you for what you shared, Regina. We appreciate it. Who wants to go next?"

The session went on like that, people sharing a little bit about themselves, a few of them even sharing why they were there. By the end, the only thing keeping Emma awake was the brunette sitting across the circle from her. Occasionally, their eyes met, but Emma quickly dropped her gaze each time. It was only at the break in the session, when they all gathered around the table of refreshments (snacks, juice, etc.), that she was confronted too directly to avoid a response.

"So, you really think it feels good to hurt people?" the beautiful brunette asked her from behind.

Emma, startled, spun around, nearly spilling her paper cup full of juice.

"Huh?" she asked dumbly, staring at the girl's flawless features.

"I said, 'Do you really think it feels good to hurt people?'"

"Well… Yeah. Kinda. What's it to you?"

"I don't know. I suppose some events in my life have brought me to a different point of view."

"Er… That's nice."

When Emma turned around to grab a cookie off a plate in front of her, the brunette gently touched her arm, causing her to turn back around quickly, surprised at the touch.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I was genuinely curious. I apologize."

"Yeah… It's… It's fine," Emma managed, finding herself staring once more.

This time, her eyes moved from Regina's lips all the way down to her feet and back up. The girl's tight jeans hugged her shapely thighs, and her perfectly-fitting blouse accentuated the curves of her breasts. Emma's hormones, of course, were going wild.

There was a long silence, but then the brunette began to smirk, slyly asking, "Were you just checking me out?"

"What?!" Emma gasped. "No!"

"I don't like liars."

"I'm not a-"

"Mhmm. Sure you're not," Regina teased, still smirking at the blonde.

"Anyway, so what if I was?"

"Let me guess: 'What's it to me?'" the other teen laughed.

"Well… No… I mean…"

"I think you were checking me out, and you're just too chicken to admit it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Listen, if you don't feel like telling people something, you should say so. Lying is even more of a cop-out, and it just makes you look like an asshole. Especially since you're really bad at it."

With that, Regina turned and walked away.


	2. Let's Get Out of Here

"How was therapy, dear?" the blonde's mother asked her brightly.

"Fine," Emma grumbled, slouching in her seat at the dinner table.

"Well?"

"Well  _what?_ " the teen snapped.

"Well, what did you talk about?"

"Isn't that kind of confidential? Isn't that the whole point?"

"Well… I suppose…"

"Honey," the girl's father cut in, "let's give Emma a break. I'm sure she's had a long day, and if she doesn't want to tell us the private things she talks about in therapy, she shouldn't have to."

The woman sighed deeply and turned her attention back to the food in front of her, taking a few bites before speaking up again.

Suddenly, the girl's mother blurted out, "I just don't understand why you won't talk to us!"

"Dad!" Emma cried, slamming her fork down on the table.

"Mary Margaret," the man sighed. "Please. Just leave her be. She's going to therapy. That's all we can ask of her."

"Thanks," Emma muttered. "Can I be excused?"

"But honey, you haven't eaten anything!" the woman cried, looking at her daughter's full plate.

"Lost my appetite."

Without waiting for the permission she'd requested, Emma got up from the table and made her way up the stairs and into her bedroom.

* * *

On the second day of group therapy, the following week, Emma arrived early again, but this time, the doctor had not yet arrived, and it was only Regina who waited in the room.

"Hey, friend," Regina greeted her with a smile.

"Uh… We're not friends."

"Yet."

"Pardon?"

"We're not friends  _yet_."

"What makes you so sure I'll be your friend?"

"Oh, I don't know," Regina laughed. "Maybe the way you checked me out last week?"

"I wasn't ch-"

"Oh, come on, Emma. I'm not that stupid."

"Whatever," the blonde grumbled, walking away and sitting down on the opposite side of the circle of chairs.

Before Regina could make a retort, the doctor walked in and silenced them both without words. Neither of them wanted to make their conversation public – especially not Emma.

Once everyone had gathered in the room and the session had begun, one of the girls volunteered to tell her story. It was darker and more graphic than Emma had ever expected anyone to tell in public, and as soon as the girl relayed her experience of being raped the previous summer, Regina rose from her seat and hurried out of the room. Of course, Emma couldn't help but notice – everyone did – but she couldn't find the courage to follow the girl out of the room. Instead, she waited until the session was over, and then, instead of mingling with the rest of the students in the group, she made her way out into the hall, where she found Regina sitting alone on the steps to the second floor.

"Hey," Emma said slowly, noting the tears on the girl's cheeks. "You okay?"

Regina, startled, looked up, but instantly broke the gaze when their eyes connected.

"Yeah!" the brunette said, as cheerfully as possible. "I'm fine. Allergies."

Emma raised an eyebrow as Regina bit her lip.

"You're a pretty shitty liar yourself."

When Regina continued to look away, Emma sat down beside her.

"Seriously. You gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine. Thanks. You should go back in there and talk with everyone."

"So should you."

"Yeah, but I-"

"Do you wanna get out of here?"

"What?"

"You know. Bail early. Ditch the second half of the session. G.T.F.O."

"Uh… sorry?"

"Get the fuck out," Emma explained with a laugh. Regina still looked confused, so the blonde continued, saying, "Let's just go. This is bullshit anyway."

Regina made no move to stand, so Emma stood first and held out her hand, which the brunette simply stared at. When the girl realized that Regina wasn't going to take it without a little push, she leaned in and grabbed the girl's hand, then pulled her off the steps.

"Come on. I'm kidnapping you."

"I really can't. My mom-"

"Fuck your mom. Let's go."

Emma was grinning, and Regina was too captivated by the girl's smile to let go of her slightly sweating hand. Instead, she followed the blonde outside as they made their way down the sidewalk, heading towards the downtown area of the city. Emma let go when they were just around the corner from the therapist's office.

"Where are we going?" Regina finally asked, looking a little apprehensive.

"We're teenagers. We're going to the mall, duh."

"But I hate-"

"Oh, hush. There's gotta be something you like there. What about the pet store?"

This brought a bright smile to the brunette's face, and Emma stopped suddenly as soon as she saw it.

"What?" Regina asked, looking a little dumbfounded at Emma's sudden lack of movement.

"Nothing. I just knew I'd find something you liked."

At the pet store, the two of them huddled close to each small pen of puppies, gawking at them and cooing over their cuteness.

"They're so adorable!" Regina cried. "I just want to take them all home!"

"You don't have any pets?"

"No… My mom is allergic. She says pets are silly."

Emma looked surprised, then offended.

"You should come over and meet my dog, Thor. He's a corgi."

"Aww! That's such a cute name! How old is he?"

"He's only two, but I can't believe how fast he grew up."

"I really wish I had a dog," the brunette sighed sadly, reaching down and scratching behind the ears of a particularly adorable German shepherd puppy.

"I'm serious. Come meet Thor."

"Now? What about our parents? My mom is supposed to pick me up after therapy… I'm going to be in such deep shit."

"Just tell her… Tell her Doctor Wilson wanted you to stay late. We'll swing by my place really quick and then head back."

Regina hesitated, but eventually agreed.

As soon as they arrived at Emma's apartment downtown, they were both pleased to see that neither of Emma's parents were home, and that Thor came running to the door as soon as it opened.

"Hi, baby!" Emma cried happily, lifting the dog into her arms and embracing him.

"Oh, my God! He's perfect!"

"I know it!" the blonde agreed with a smile, kissing the dog's nose. "You're perfect! Aren't you, handsome man? Aren't you? Yes, you are!"

When Emma set the dog down and looked over at Regina, she saw that the girl was grinning from ear to ear as she crouched down to take her turn at showing the adorable dog affection. Instantly, Thor rolled over onto his back, exposing his stomach, which Regina promptly scratched.

"He's perfect," Regina sighed again, this time sadly.

Emma watched them for a moment, then put her hand on Regina's shoulder, saying, "Hey, listen… You can come over and hang out with him any time. My parents would be happy to think I've got a friend."

"Ha!" Regina said quickly. "Told you!"

"I said  _think_ I've got a friend," the blonde corrected the girl. "Don't get excited."

Regina stood up and looked into Emma's eyes, this time not breaking her gaze.

"I don't think you would have done all this for me if you didn't think of us as new-found friends."

"Well… Well… Whatever. Look, I should get you back before your mom wigs out. Let's go."

Regina, saying nothing else, nodded and followed Emma out the front door and back towards their therapist's office.


	3. Session Three

Of course, Regina's mother needed some convincing as to why the girl was late to be picked up, but she managed to calm the woman down after a few well-spun lies. Emma, who had planned to walk home afterwards anyway, did not get into trouble. In fact, by the time she got home, her parents still weren't there. Alone in her room, she found herself laying on her bed with her dog, staring up at the ceiling and picturing the look of joy on her new  _acquaintance's_ face as she played with her dog.

The following week, Emma arrived early once again, and was happy to find Regina sitting by herself in the room, glancing quietly out the window. Nearly two minutes passed before she noticed that Emma had entered.

"Oh, shit," Regina mumbled. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough." Regina nodded her head, then Emma continued, "You gonna be okay today?"

"I'll be fine," the girl said quickly, turning her head to face the window once more. "I was fine before."

"You weren't fine. You were-"

But Emma was cut off by the sound of the therapist's heels clicking against the hard-wood floor as she entered the room.

"Hello, girls," the woman greeted them cheerfully. "How are you both today?"

"Fine," Emma said quickly.

"Regina?"

"Fine."

"I noticed you cut out early last week…" the therapist began, then waited patiently for an explanation that didn't come. Finally, she asked, "Why was that?"

"Allergies really got to me," Regina lied, then bit her lip.

She always bit her lip when she lied.

"And you, Emma?" the woman asked. "You missed the refreshments."

"I really wasn't hungry, or thirsty. I just kind of needed a break."

The doctor nodded her head but looked doubtful as a few others filed into the room.

The first half of their third session carried a much lighter tone, and both Emma and Regina stayed for the duration. During the break, when they gathered for refreshments, Emma noticed that Regina had made no move to get a snack, or even to socialize with the other kids like she had during their first session. That being the case, the blonde grabbed two cups of juice and brought one over to Regina, this time sitting down beside her.

"Here," she said quietly, handing over the paper cup. "You look like you could use a pick-me-up."

"I'm f-"

"Don't," Emma said under her breath, cutting Regina off, causing the girl to bite her lip. "You don't have to lie to me. Like you said, if you don't want to talk about it, say so, but don't fucking lie. There's no point. Just take the goddam juice, would you?"

Regina blushed and took a sip from the cup, staring down at her lap.

Before Emma could say anything else, the doctor gathered the group again to continue the second half of the session. At the end, as soon as Regina and Emma were the last in the room, the brunette made a move to stand. The blonde grabbed her hand to stop her, though, causing the girl's head to whip around and her gaze to meet Emma's.

"What?"

"Can I give you my number?"

This earned a laugh – infectious and bright – from the brunette, who just shook her head.

"No, not like that," Emma explained. "I just meant… You know… So we could talk."

"I've gotta go," Regina said sudden, her smile falling into a frown.

"Regina, wait," Emma said. "Please?"

"Why?"

"I told you. So we can talk."

"I thought we weren't friends."

"Well…" Emma started, trying to think fast on her feet. "What if you want to visit Thor?"

Regina looked skeptical, but grabbed a napkin and scribbled down her number in red ink. Before handing it over, she hesitated, then drew a little heart inside one of the zeros. Without another word, she hurried out of the room and disappeared out of the front door, leaving Emma slightly dazed.

Later that night, Emma braved sending a text message to her fellow patient, but 'Hey,' was all she could manage. The reply came back quite a few hours later, around eleven that night.

' **Regina: Hey.'**

' **Emma: What's up?'**

' **Regina: Can't sleep. You?'**

' **Emma: Same.'**

' **Regina: Bad dreams?'**

' **Emma: You know it.'**

Fifteen minutes passed before the next reply.

' **Regina: I don't want to wait a week to see you again.'**

' **Regina: I mean Thor. The dog. You know what I meant.'**

Emma stared at the screen and wondered how much truth there was in the girl's correction.

' **Regina: You know what I meant. Right?'**

' **Emma: Yeah.'**

But Emma wasn't sure.

' **Regina: So… um…'**

' **Emma: You can come over tomorrow if you want. I think Thor misses you.'**

' **Regina: I think I could manage to get away from my mom for a while. Four o'clock?'**

' **Emma: Sure thing.'**

' **Regina: Alright. See you at four.'**

Though they sent no more text messages, they each failed to fall asleep for the next few hours.

The next day, right at four, Regina knocked on Emma's door. The blonde and her dog both answered, earning a bright smile from the other girl, who quickly knelt and embraced the short little dog.

"See?" Emma said. "He likes you."

"I like him too," Regina replied with a smile, scratching behind the dog's ears, causing Thor to whine happily.

"So, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know. It's your house. Whatever you want. I just came for the dog."

Emma looked a little shocked, but when Regina finally winked at her, she laughed and understood the joke.

"Are you hungry?"

Regina stared blankly for a moment, then finally said, "No… Thanks, though..."

Looking a little confused at the girl's reaction, the blonde replied, "Alright. Well, I'm starving, so I'm gonna grab something from the kitchen. Make yourself at home."

Regina nodded weakly, then sat on the couch as Emma disappeared around the corner. She twiddled her thumbs nervously until the girl returned with a bowl full of grapes.

"You're gonna eat all of that?" Regina asked dumbly, staring at the large bowl of food.

"Well, yeah. I'm kind of a pig, actually. I sorta binge after school. Not learning anything makes me hungry." Regina laughed and shook her head, then Emma asked, "How come I never see you at school? I see everyone else in Group around, but not you."

"I'm home-schooled," the girl explained simply.

"Shit, man. That must suck."

Regina shrugged lightly.

"Sorry," Emma muttered, turning her attention to the grapes, which she continuously shoveled into her mouth to keep herself silent.

Eventually, the brunette blurted out, "Why did you really invite me over?"

"What do you mean?" Emma asked. "To play with the dog. I said that."

Regina looked skeptical, then said, "We're friends, aren't we?"

"What makes you say that?"

"The way you acted when I left Group. The way you took me to see the puppies. The way you brought me here, and invited me back. The way you brought me that juice the other day."

Emma paused, staring the girl down until she was finally unable to hold back the words.

"What's really going on with you? Why are you in Group?"

Regina looked away, shaking her head.

"Come on," the other girl pressed. "You can tell me. Secret's safe here."

"No," the brunette said plainly.

So plainly, in fact, that Emma dropped the subject completely and continued to finish her bowl of grapes.

When it was gone, a few moments later, she asked, "Wanna watch a movie?"

"I should get home," Regina told her, standing up.

"Wait, what? You just got here."

"I… My mom will worry. I should… I…"

"Regina?"

"I gotta go."

Before Emma could stop her, she was gone.


	4. Regina Has a Nightmare

Before the fourth group session, Emma found Regina crying on the steps.

"Hey… Regina, what's wrong?" she asked quietly, kneeling in front of the girl and trying to look into her eyes, which Regina quickly averted.

"I'm f-fine," the girl stammered, refusing to look at Emma.

"Come on, honey. What's going on?"

This got Regina to lift her gaze.

"H-Honey?"

"Well… Yeah. I mean, I call everyone… I mean… Look, why don't you just tell me what the hell is going on? It's never going to get fixed if you don't talk about it, right? That's what Doctor Wilson always says."

"I'm f-fine, Emma. Just go to Group. I'll be in in a minute."

"Regina-"

"I'm fine!" the girl snapped, reaching out and shoving Emma roughly backwards. "Just piss off, okay?"

Emma's eyes widened, but she backed away without another word. By the time Regina joined the group, just before their session started, her eyes were dry, but still red, clearly from crying.

During the break, Regina avoided Emma at all costs, ignoring her when she tried to speak and saying nothing to anyone else. When the session was finally over, she left in silence before the blonde had a chance to stop her.

Once she was back at her apartment, Emma sent the girl a text.

' **Emma: Want to come over?'**

' **Regina: No.'**

' **Emma: Oh, come. Please? I want someone to play video games with. I'm bored, and Thor is sick of me.'**

' **Regina: That's silly.'**

' **Emma: What's silly?'**

' **Regina: Playing video games.'**

' **Emma: I'll have you know that… that… Well, whatever. Screw you then.'**

' **Regina: Haha. You're such a loser.'**

' **Emma: Hey! That's not nice! And Doctor Wilson says that if you don't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all.'**

' **Regina: Honestly, at this point, I really don't give a fuck what Doctor Fucking Wilson says.'**

' **Emma: Whoa there. I thought you were the goody-goody who believed in therapy?'**

' **Regina: Don't act like you know me just because we go to group therapy together.'**

' **Emma: Ouch.'**

' **Regina: Sorry. I'm PMSing, and in a terrible mood, and I just… don't want to talk. Okay?'**

' **Emma: We don't have to talk. And you don't have to play video games. You could just watch me, if you wanted. I won't say anything.'**

' **Regina: Anything…?'**

' **Emma: Not unless you want me to.'**

' **Regina: Promise?'**

' **Emma: I don't make promises. But no, we don't have to talk, unless you want to.'**

' **Regina: I'll be over in fifteen.'**

Emma waited anxiously for her fellow group member to join her, and she was relieved when, twenty minutes later, Thor announced the girl's arrival.

"You expecting someone, honey?" Emma's mother asked, looking more than surprised when Emma nodded her head in response.

"Just a girl from therapy."

"A new friend! Emma, that's wonderful!"

"She's not… Look, just be cool, okay? Don't say anything weird."

"Why would I-"

"Leave it, Mom. It's fine," Emma cut in, quickly answering the door before the woman could get another word in. 'Hey! Let's go upstairs. Like… now."

So the two of them hurried up the staircase, before Mary Margaret could even say hello, and as soon as they were in Emma's room, the blonde locked the door behind them.

"You have a lock on your door?" Regina asked, sounding surprised.

"Well, yeah. Don't you?"

"My mom doesn't let me… um…"

"Wow, dude. That's-"

"You said you wouldn't talk."

"Oh, right. Sorry. Anyway, I'm just playing Halo right now. Anything you'd rather watch?"

Regina shrugged.

"I don't really know anything about video games. Whatever you feel like playing is fine."

So Emma continued playing the game she already had in her Xbox as Regina sat next to her on the bed.

After about a half-hour of complete silence, Regina finally spoke.

"You're lucky you have a TV in your room."

"Um… Yeah, I guess so. I think I'd go crazy without it."

Regina shrugged, saying, "I don't really watch TV. Mother doesn't like it."

"Your mom sounds like a twat."

"Emma!"

"Sorry… Just saying."

The two went quiet again, Emma continuing to play her game, until she noticed the girl's eyes drooping.

"You can stay the night, you know," Emma said slowly. "My mom won't care. She's just happy I'm socializing. I'm kind of a hermit."

"I don't think my mom would really like that…"

"What about you? Do you want to?"

"Well, I… I don't really want to walk back in the dark…"

"Look, if your mom says no, I'll walk you home, but you could at least ask her. I'll sleep on the floor and you can crash in my bed. It's really fine. I'll probably be up most of the night anyway."

"Alright… I'll call her, but I'm not taking your bed."

To Regina's surprise, her mother approved the sleepover, so Emma pulled out the shortest pair of sleep shorts she had and a loose T-shirt out of her dresser and handed them to the girl, saying, "I think these will fit you," and trying not to laugh.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny," Regina retorted, rolling her eyes and handing back the skimpy pair of shorts. "Don't you have any real pajama pants?"

Emma pulled out a pair of jeans and held them out to the brunette with a grin.

"You're impossible," the other girl whined, pushing Emma's hand away.

Finally, the blonde pulled out a pair of sweatpants and handed them over.

"These okay, Princess Regina?"

"That's  _Queen_  Regina to you, peasant," the brunette said with a grin, then went down the hall into the bathroom to change.

When she came back into the room, Emma was in a pair of boxer-briefs and a loose long-sleeved shirt, and Regina found herself staring at the girl's backside as the girl shuffled through papers on her desk.

"I… Um…" Regina stammered.

"Huh?" Emma asked, twirling around to look at her.

Something about the sight of the beautiful brunette wearing her clothes gave Emma a bad case of butterflies, and she found them hard to ignore as she set a pillow on the floor and grabbed a throw blanket.

"I feel bad taking your bed," Regina said as Emma made herself as comfortable as possible on the carpet. "Are you sure you-"

"Nah. It's all good. I kinda pass out on the floor a lot anyway…"

"What?"

"N-Nothing. Nevermind. Anyway, I'm gonna keep playing, but I'll turn the sound off. You should get some sleep."

Regina nodded reluctantly and slipped under the covers, watching Emma for some time before she finally fell asleep.

A few hours later, Emma was still playing her video game, though her eyes were beginning to get heavy. She died a few times in her game before finally giving up, turning the TV off, and lying down on the floor. Just as her eyes closed, she heard the sound of whimpering coming from the girl in her bed, so she sat up and listened for the noise to continue. The whimpering turned into mumbled protests, so Emma got up and stood next to the bed.

"Regina?" she said softly, shaking the girl's shoulder. "I think you're having a nightmare…"

The girl woke with a start and reflexively grabbed Emma's arm.

"Hey. It's okay," Emma said quickly, sitting down beside the girl on the bed. "It's alright. You were dreaming."

"Oh, fuck," Regina breathed. "I am  _so_ sorry. I must have woken you. I…"

"Nah," Emma said casually. "I was awake. I just didn't want to leave you in the nightmare, you know? I get what that's like, and I always wish I had someone to wake me from them."

"You have them too?"

"Everyone has nightmares, Regina… but yeah. All the time."

The brunette breathed a sigh of relief as she leaned back against the pillows, shutting her eyes, her hands clenched into fists.

"Relax," Emma whispered. "It's alright. You're safe here."

Regina's eyes flew open, and she stared at Emma in disbelief.

"What?" the blonde asked anxiously, suddenly afraid she'd crossed a boundary.

"No one's ever said that to me before. And you're right. I wish I had someone to wake me from my nightmares too."

"Well, you've got me now, don't you?"

"Yeah… For tonight… We're not even friends, remember?"

"I have a feeling you and I are going to be spending a lot more time together," Emma said slowly.

"Yeah…" Regina replied. "Me too."


	5. Ashamed

They spent most of their days together after Emma's classes ended or after therapy, Emma playing video games and Regina watching quietly. Occasionally, they made small talk, but usually, they stayed silent. However, Emma had begun to notice something troubling, and it eventually boiled over to the point where she could hold it in no longer.

"Regina," Emma said suddenly, setting the Xbox controller down on the floor.

"Huh?" the girl asked, looking over at the blonde.

"I've never seen you eat."

"What?"

"You don't eat. You never eat."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Regina…"

"What?!"

"I need you to be honest with me."

"Emma, you said-"

"This is serious."

"I know, but you said-"

"Are you anorexic?"

"What?"

"I've known you for weeks now, and even though you've been over my house a ton of times, I've never once seen you eat something. Ever. Never dinner. Not even a snack. Nothing."

"Emma, that's ridiculous. I'm just not-"

"Don't tell me you're not hungry. Don't tell me that again."

"But I'm not. I just-"

"Regina, god dammit! You can lie to me, but don't lie to yourself, okay? It's bullshit and you know it."

"Emma…"

"No, I'm serious."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"Fine. Don't talk about it. Just nod your head."

"What? No. That's ridiculous."

"You don't have to say it out loud. I just need to know. Is that why you're in therapy? Because you're anorexic?"

Regina hesitated, but shook her head, then nodded it.

"Uh… what?"

"You said I didn't have to talk."

"Well, yeah, but…"

"Emma, please, can we just let this go?"

"Okay. If you eat something."

"Emma!"

"No, I mean it. If you eat something, I'll let it go. If you're really not anorexic, you'll eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"God dammit, Regina! You're so full of shit!"

"You are too!"

"So what?"

"What do you mean 'so what?!'" Regina screamed, standing up. "You expect me to tell you my secrets, but you won't share a goddam thing with me?"

This rendered Emma silent, but she continued to stare at the distressed girl standing before her, not knowing what to say.

"Look, I'm leaving," the brunette finally said. "Please don't text me."

"No, wait!" Emma cried, grabbing the girl's hand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed. I know that's not how you build trust with someone. I fucked up, and I'm sorry. It just stresses me out, not knowing what's hurting you so badly."

"I'm not hurting. I'm-"

"Regina. Don't lie. Say you don't want to talk about it, but don't lie."

"Alright. I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. We won't talk about it. I'll show you why I'm in therapy, and then you can decide if you want tell me or not."

"S-Show me…?"

"Yeah."

"What do you mean?"

Emma sucked in a deep breath, let it out, and then breathed deeply once more. As soon as she'd gathered her courage, she rolled up the sleeves of her sweater and held out her wrists.

"Emma…" Regina breathed. "Shit."

The deep red gashes, some still fresh wounds, contrasted fiercely with the girl's pale skin. Regina shut her eyes and looked away.

"I'm sorry," Emma muttered, hurrying to pull her sleeves back down. "I shouldn't have showed you. I just thought…"

"No, Emma, wait," Regina stopped her quickly, reaching out and grabbing the other girl's hand.

When Emma didn't pull away, Regina carefully rolled each of her sleeves back up and looked deeply into the girl's eyes.

"You just scared me. You don't have to be ashamed of this."

Emma looked away and squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back tears, too embarrassed to meet Regina's gaze, but when she felt the soft, warm, moistness of Regina's lips pressed against her wrists, her eyes snapped open.

"W-What the hell are you d-doing?" Emma stammered, staring at the girl now kneeling in front of her.

"You're beautiful, Emma," Regina sighed. "You're perfect, exactly as you are."

The blonde shook her head and roughly pulled her hands away, but Regina reached up and turned the girl's face to meet her gaze.

"Em," she breathed, looking into the girl's green eyes.

The blonde's lips parted, and Regina took that as her cue to lean in, until she felt Emma's slow, shaky breaths on her own lips. Before Emma could pull away or stop her, the brunette kissed her, slowly and tenderly, as she wrapped her hand around the back of her neck to pull her closer. At first, Emma started to pull away, but when Regina held her firmly, she allowed her lips to move in time with the brunette's.

Unfortunately for Emma, she was too captivated by the sweetness of Regina's lips to notice her mother walking in the front door, just in time to see the two of them kissing.

"What the hell is going on?" the girl's mother snapped, dropping her purse through the floor. When the blonde was silent, she pressed, "Well?!"

"Mom, I…"

"Regina, I think you'd better go," the woman said, gesturing to the door of the apartment.

Wordlessly, Regina rose to her feet, looking back over her shoulder at Emma, who was now crying, as she left.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Mary Margaret asked her daughter, her own eyes also welling with tears. "I thought we talked about this!"

"I'm fucking GAY, Mom!" Emma screamed. "I don't know what you don't fucking get about that! It's never going to fucking change so you need to just get the fuck over it!"

With that, the blonde stormed up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door, locking herself inside, texting Regina as soon as the shaking of her hands was under control.

' **Emma: I'm sorry.'**

' **Regina: For what?'**

' **Emma: My mom.'**

' **Regina: I'm sorry too.'**

' **Emma: What are you sorry for?'**

' **Regina: For kissing you.'**

' **Emma: You're sorry?'**

' **Regina: Well, yeah… Your mom freaked out, and I… I don't know.'**

' **Emma: Who gives a shit about my mom?'**

' **Regina: You mean you're not mad?'**

' **Emma: Why would I be mad?'**

' **Regina: I didn't think you… I didn't think you were into me. I just couldn't stop myself…'**

' **Emma: I thought you said I've been checking you out since day one?'**

' **Regina: I was just teasing… I didn't think…'**

' **Emma: I need to get the fuck out of here. I'm going downtown. Do you want to meet up?'**

' **Regina: I really can't. Mom won't let me out of the house this late. But if you want to come over, I think she'd really love to meet you in person.'**

' **Emma: What? Why?'**

' **Regina: Well… I don't know. I mean… I sort of… You know… Talk about you…'**

' **Emma: You what?'**

' **Regina: Oh, shut up, idiot. Just come over.'**

' **Emma: Alright. Address?'**

' **Regina: 108 Mifflin.'**

' **Emma: Holy shit. Seriously?'**

' **Regina: Yeah… So?'**

' **Emma: I just… didn't know you were… uh… rich.'**

' **Regina: My** **parents are rich, not me. And what does that matter anyway?'**

' **Emma: It doesn't. I'm sorry. I'll be over in twenty.'**


	6. 108 Mifflin

As soon as Emma arrived at 108 Mifflin Street, Regina's mother greeted her at the door.

"Hello, dear! Regina's told me  _so_ much about you!"

Emma's eyes widened and looked over at the girl who was clearly blushing with embarrassment.

"Good things, I hope," Emma joked nervously, but the woman laughed, which put her a little more at ease.

"Well, I made you both snacks. They're in the kitchen. You can bring them upstairs if you want."

"Thanks, Mom," Regina said, shooting Emma an anxious glance.

In the kitchen, there were two trays of assorted snacks, and Emma carried those while Regina carried their drinks, and once they were up in Regina's room, they both looked at the trays apprehensively.

"She doesn't know, does she?" Emma finally asked.

"She thinks I'm better."

"Why?"

"I… I eat dinner with her when she gets home."

"And then?"

"And then I fucking throw it up, okay?! Jesus fucking Christ, Emma! Do you have to be so fucking pushy?"

"I'm… I'm sorry, Regina," Emma sighed. "I should probably just go."

"No, don't," the brunette quickly protested, gently grabbing Emma's wrist.

"Ouch," Emma hissed, pulling her hand away and rubbing her wrist lightly.

"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry! Emma, I-"

"It's fine. Look, I'm gonna go. I'll see you at Group, okay?"

"Please don't leave," Regina begged, looking so pitiful that Emma sighed and sat down on the girl's king-sized bed.

Neither spoke for a while, but Regina stared at the girl, just waiting for her to get up and walk out, but Emma never did.

Instead, she finally said, "Your bed is huge."

"What?"

"Your bed's huge. Mine's a twin. I practically fall off every night because I toss and turn so much. Wish I had a king like this one."

"Well… You're welcome to sleep in it tonight, if you'd like to stay. My mom already said it was alright."

"Does your mom know I'm gay?"

"Yeah."

"Wait, what?"

"I told her."

"Told her what, exactly?!"

"Not about… Not about your… your… Just that… that I kissed you."

"And she's cool with it?!"

"She's not uptight about  _everything_ …"

Emma's eyes went wide, but she was grateful. Embarrassed that the woman knew about the kiss, yes, but grateful that she wasn't about to be kicked out of the girl's house and told to never come back.

There was an awkward pause, until finally, Regina sat down beside Emma on the bed. When Emma said nothing, the brunette gently brushed her fingers against the side of the girl's hand, then waited for some kind of response. To her surprise, the blonde reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. Emma wasn't smiling, but it looked like she was about to.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Regina said again. "I didn't mean to freak you out."

"You didn't freak me out. You just… surprised me. And I'm sorry I pushed you so hard."

"It's okay. You're right, anyway. I should probably talk about it."

"I'm here, if you want to, okay? Or if you don't. If you just want someone to be there… I can do that."

"I think you care too much to do that, Emma," Regina sighed. "I don't think you can let it go."

"I… I do care."

"I know. I don't get why… but I know that you do."

"You're important to me, Regina."

"Yeah?" Regina said with a laugh. "I thought we weren't friends?"

Emma hesitated, then looked up into Regina's eyes.

"I don't think we are."

With a blush, Regina began to look away, but just as she turned her head, Emma caught her lips. The girl kissed back slowly, wanting the moment to last and not really believing it was happening. When Emma pulled away, she sighed and opened her eyes.

"What are we, then?" Regina asked, playing with Emma's fingers.

"I don't know," Emma admitted. "Whatever you want to be."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I mean, I'll be anything you want me to be."

Regina smiled, kissing the girl again, this time tangling her fingers in Emma's hair as Emma did the same. Then, the brunette turned and gently pushed Emma back onto the bed until her head hit the pillow, then let her fingertips lightly brush a trail from the waistband of the girl's jeans to just above her navel.

The blonde took her hand and pressed it flat against her stomach with a smile.

"You know, I never thought you'd be into me. The way you teased me about checking you out…"

"I'm very,  _very_ into you, Emma."

The blonde smirked and tugged the girl closer until she was straddling her hips, then kissed her softly.

"I'm too fucked up to get involved right now," Emma said, seemingly out of nowhere, abruptly pulling away from the kiss.

"What? But you said-"

"But I can't help myself."

This brought a relieved smile to Regina's lips, which had previously been twisted in a slight wave of panic. After a few more slow-burning kisses, Regina rested her head on Emma's shoulder and began to take slow, deep breaths as she listened to the girl's heartbeat.

"It races when you touch me," Emma told her, realizing what the girl was hearing.

"Mine too."

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Well, don't stop," the blonde whispered, sliding her fingers through Regina's soft locks of hair to push them out of the girl's eyes.

A little hesitantly, Regina slid her hands over Emma's sides, until the girl hissed in pain and pushed her hands away.

"Emma?!"

"I'm… I'm sorry… I forgot that I…"

"What's wrong?"

Emma's eyes welled with tears as she lifted her shirt, exposing more red slashes on her ribs.

"Oh, Emma… Honey…"

"Don't… Don't say it like that. I don't want your fucking pity, okay? I-"

"I don't pity you. I want to take care of you."

"Look, I've got my own baggage, and if we're going to be… whatever the hell it is that we are… you're going to have to leave it alone."

"And then what? We just pretend that neither one of us has problems? That there's no reason we're going to therapy?"

"I told you, and everyone else in Group. I'm going to therapy so my mom won't change the fucking wifi password."

"Emma, that's ridiculous. You're going to therapy because you hurt yourself."

Emma stopped, then looked up at the woman who was still leaning over her.

"Yeah. Alright."

"I just want you to be okay," Regina sighed, stroking the girl's cheek. "I care about you."

"I care about you, too. Will you eat something?"

Regina shook her head.

"Please?" Emma pressed, but the girl just shook her head again.

"Alright. Just let me hold you then."

So Regina relaxed into Emma's arms, and the two fell asleep like that.


	7. Sneaking Out

In the morning, the two girls, tangled in each other’s embrace, were woken by the sound of Regina’s bedroom door creaking open. Emma was shocked to see the girl’s mother standing at the doorway, smiling brightly.

 

Before Emma could scramble out of the bed in shock, the woman said, “Good morning, girls! I made pancakes! They’re downstairs, nice and hot, whenever you’re ready!”

 

Neither of the girls had a chance to say anything before the woman disappeared back into the hallway.  Emma looked startled, but Regina seemed calm.

 

“What?” the brunette asked with a smile, tucking some of Emma’s hair behind her ear.

 

“She’s… She’s totally cool with us being in bed together?”

 

“Well, she… I’ve told her a lot about you, and…”

 

“What exactly did you tell her?”

 

“That you’re kind to me, and that you try to take care of me.  Obviously, she doesn’t know I skipped out on therapy to meet Thor, but she knows… well…”

 

“Well, what?”

 

“How I feel about you.”

 

“And how exactly do you feel about me?” Emma asked slowly, her lips curling into a smile.

 

“I don’t know… I mean…”

 

“Don’t _lie_ , Regina.  Spit it out.”

 

“You’re the sun in my sky, alright?”

 

“What?”

 

“You’re… I don’t know… my sunshine.”

 

“ _Your_ sunshine, huh?” the blonde teased.

 

When Regina looked embarrassed, Emma leaned in and pressed her lips to the girl’s cheek.

 

“That’s okay,” Emma told her. “I’ll be your sunshine, if you’ll keep being my cuddle partner.”

 

Regina’s eyes lit up as she replied, “For as long as you’ll have me, Emma Swan.”

 

Regina even managed to eat breakfast that morning.  Since it was Saturday, they spent the rest of the day together as Emma completely ignored the constant phone calls from her parents, who were continuously leaving angry voicemails.  Her father sounded desperate, almost like he might cry, as he begged her to call them back. Still, Emma had no interest in meeting her punishment for sneaking out when she arrived home, so she avoided the calls altogether.

 

“Isn’t your mom going to be pissed?” Regina finally asked, glancing apprehensively at the phone Emma had just tossed to the other side of the bed.

 

“Oh, she’s definitely pissed. Dad’s just worried though.”

 

“Maybe you should call them…”

 

“Just to hear them tell me I’m grounded?  I don’t think so.”

 

“If they’re worried-“

 

“Let’s just enjoy today, okay?  Because after this, we’re probably never going to be able to hang out again.  Of course, I’ll just sneak out to see you anyway, but that’s not the point.  It’s going to be a huge pain in the ass from now on.  We might as well enjoy the time we have together.”

 

“Do you think they’ll pull you from therapy because of this?” Regina asked, sounding concerned.

 

“Nah. Mom’s desperate to fix me. Anything she can do to keep me in therapy, she’ll do.”

 

“That’s good, then. At least I’ll be able to see you there.”

 

“Gina, I’m not gonna let her keep me from you,” Emma told her, gently stroking the girl’s cheek.

 

This earned a smile from the brunette as she leaned back, propping herself up on her elbow as she looked at Emma.

 

“I like you in boxers,” she finally said with a grin, her eyes moving over the girl’s toned figure.

 

“And I would like you in nothing,” the blonde teased, grinning just as brightly.

 

“Emma!” Regina cried with a laugh.

 

The blonde continued to smile as she pulled the girl into her arms, squeezing her gently. When the brunette began to pull away, Emma held her a little tighter.

 

“Don’t go,” she whispered. “Let me hold you.”

 

Regina smiled back and relaxed into Emma’s embrace, shutting her eyes as her head fell to the girl’s shoulder.

 

“I like this,” she said softly, kissing Emma’s cheek.

 

“Me too, babe. Me too.”

 

Of course, when Emma finally did go home, she was instantly grounded for a month, which she wasn’t at all surprised about.  She’d actually been expecting a harsher punishment.  No friends, no TV, and especially no Regina, her mother had said. Emma laughed at this. As long as she had internet and a cell phone, she was happy.  She had no friends and didn’t watch TV, so neither of those punishments made much of an impact, and she had every intention of sneaking out at night to see her… What were they, even?  Girlfriends? Emma wasn’t sure. They hadn’t said officially, but that was certainly what it felt like.

 

At Group, they sat next to each other and talked under their breath during the break.

 

“You look cute today,” Emma whispered in her ear.  “I want to kiss you.”

 

“Not here, Emma!” Regina hissed back, but was unable to hold her laughter in.

 

When the doctor looked over at them knowingly, they went silent.  It was obvious to everyone in the group that the two were involved at least in some manner, so it did them little good to try to hide it. Still, they tried to be as subtle as possible.  Given that Regina didn’t like PDA anyway, it made sense.  The only problem was, Emma had a hard time keeping her hands off her lover. In fact, as soon as no one was looking, she stole a kiss or slapped the girl’s ass, which, to Emma’s delight, made Regina squeak every time.

 

“Would you stop that?” Regina finally scolded her, through a smile she couldn’t hide.

 

Emma just grinned back at her and shook her head.

 

“Never, my queen. Never.”

 

Almost every night, Emma snuck out and walked to Regina’s house a few blocks away, and fell asleep in the girl’s arms.  In the morning, she hurried back to her own apartment before her parents could notice that she had been gone. On the weekends, Emma also spent the days at Regina’s house, whenever she could get away with it.

 

“Girls!” Regina’s mother called up the stairs one night.  “Dinner’s ready!”

 

Regina bit her lip and looked at Emma, and the blonde instantly flashed her a look of sympathy. When the meal was over and they’d both eaten – Emma having head two helpings of the delicious lasagna the woman had cooked – they went back up to Regina’s room and sat beside each other on the bed in complete silence.

 

“Gina?” Emma finally asked. “You okay?”

 

“I feel sick,” the girl muttered.

 

“Gina…”

 

“Emma… I… I can’t. I just can’t.”

 

With that, Regina stood up and quickly left the room, running down the hall to the bathroom.


	8. Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. Here comes the angst! Who's ready? ;)

Emma hurried down the hallway and waited at the bathroom door. As soon as she heard the sound of the girl vomiting into the toilet, she knocked on the door.

"Gina, baby, let me in. Let's talk, okay?" When Emma heard the sound again, she became more desperate, adding, "Or not talk. Anything you want, okay? Just  _please_ open the door."

After one more round of vomiting, the bathroom door opened, and Regina's tear-stained face stared at Emma.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, pushing past the girl and making her way back to her room.

Of course, Emma followed her, this time quietly, and watched as the brunette sat down on her bed and wrung her hands.

"Babe," Emma said softly, kneeling in front of Regina and taking the girl's hand. "It's okay."

"Stop it!" Regina screamed, shoving Emma backwards. "It's not okay! I'm a freak!"

"Regina, no," the blonde tried desperately. "You're not a freak. You're sick, and that's okay. You're gonna get better, alright? You're-"

"Don't you fucking say that. Don't you ever fucking tell me I'm going to get  _better._ Nothing's going to get better, god dammit! NOTHING."

This left the other girl slightly stunned as she backed away even further and stared at her lover, who had started to sob uncontrollably.

"Get out," Regina finally managed, through anguished tears. "I can't do this. I can't pretend to be fine. Just fucking leave."

Not knowing what else she could say, Emma turned and left the room, said a quiet goodbye to the girl's mother, and walked home alone in the dark.

When she got home, she sent a few helpless texts to her lover, but received no response.

' **Emma: Gina, please. I…'**

A few minutes passed, still without a response, before Emma sent her final text for the night.

' **Emma: I love you.'**

Over the next few days, Emma awaited a response, hoping that Regina would come around and change her mind, but she found that no reply came. On the day of their group therapy, Emma showed up early, as usual, but saw that Regina was nowhere to be found. The session ended with no sign of Regina, so Emma walked home in silence.

When she could stand it no longer, Emma gave up her self-control and indulged once again in the numerous vices she'd been able to avoid for the past few weeks.

After a three-day binge on old habits that died hard and skipping school, Emma finally received a text message, but she was currently in no condition to read it.

' **Regina: I'm coming over. We need to talk.'**

The Emma that Regina found when she let herself into the girl's apartment – after knocking loudly numerous times – was not the one she knew and had come to love.

The blonde was in a sweaty, unconscious heap on the floor in the corner of the room, surrounded by two bottles of vodka and something that horrified Regina even more. The syringes beside the girl were empty, and as soon as she saw them, the brunette began to cry.

"Oh, God… Emma… Emma, please wake up," she begged, shaking the girl's shoulders roughly, but received no response.

Emma's pulse was slow, but steady, and it was only when Regina pressed her tear-soaked cheek to the girl's forehead that the girl seemed to wake up. Her eyes fluttered open slowly, and her heavy head lifted just enough to look into Regina's eyes.

"Gina," Emma said softly. "Fuck."

"It's okay, Emma. I'm right here."

"No… No.  _Fuck,_ " the blonde cursed. "You shouldn't be here. You should-"

"Shh. Emma, I'm here now, and I'm not fucking leaving."

"You need to go. I'm-"

"High as balls, obviously."

"Y-Yeah… I'm…"

"I know," Regina sighed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Huh?"

"Why didn't you tell me that you fucking use drugs?"

"Why didn't you tell me that you're fucking… fucking…"

Emma's head, too heavy to hold up, began to lower as her pupils rolled back behind her eyelids.

"Oh, shit… Emma, stay with me, baby," Regina pleaded, gently patting the girl's cheeks. "Stay with me."

But Emma was unconscious again and responded to nothing, not even the chaste, heartbroken kiss that Regina placed on her lips before lifting her up and carrying her to the bed.

When Emma finally woke from her intoxicated stupor, Regina, eyes red from crying, was wrapped around her, holding her close.

As soon as she came to, Emma pushed the girl away and sat up in shock, dazed and confused as to how Regina had suddenly reappeared in her life after days and days of no contact.

"What are you doing?" Emma snapped, waking the girl from her fitful sleep.

"What? What do you mean?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm… We needed to talk, and then… Then I found you, and you were…"

"You need to leave."

"Emma, please-"

"No. You  _really_ need to leave."

"Why?!" Regina finally snapped. "So you can fucking get high again? So you can drink yourself into a coma? So you can cut yourself up to punish yourself for things you didn't do?"

Emma paused for a moment, fury filling her eyes, then finally screamed, "YES. Now get the fuck out."

So Regina left sobbing, completely regretting the way she'd kicked Emma out in the same manner a little over a week ago, leaving Emma to indulge in her habits once more. Of course, not wanting Emma to get hurt, Regina was tempted to involve the girl's parents, but she knew that if she did, she'd never speak to Emma again, so she said a sad goodbye to the dog and left in silence.


	9. Really

' **Regina: If you're still awake, please call me. I just want to talk.'**

But the girl's texts were ignored as Emma indulged once again in dangerous habits.

When she didn't show up to the next group therapy session, Regina texted her again.

' **Regina: Emma, I'm worried about you. Will you at least tell me you're okay?'**

Though Emma did receive and read this message, she refused to respond to it. Instead, she shot herself up again and quickly passed out, sitting on the floor, leaning against the front of her bed.

This time, her parents found her. When they were unable to wake the girl after a few minutes, they quickly carried her to the car and brought her to the hospital.

"NO!" Emma screamed, as soon as she woke up on the gurney, attached to an IV. "NO!"

Her parents, who were talking to the doctor out in the hallway, came rushing into the room and were instantly at her side, but when her mother leaned in to embrace her, Emma shoved her away roughly.

"Emma, honey, you're-"

"NO! Get me the FUCK out of here!"

Finally, her father spoke up, saying, "You're not leaving, Emma. As soon as you finish detox, you're going to rehab. We're not doing this anymore. We're not gonna risk coming home and finding you  _dead_  because you overdosed on heroin."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Emma screamed, tearing the IV out of her arm and starting to climb out of the bed, but swaying as she nearly fell to the floor.

"You're still a minor for three more months, Emma, and if we say you're going to rehab, you're GOING," the man screamed, finally losing his temper with her as he held her down on the bed.

"I don't have to do SHIT!" his daughter screamed, fighting the pressure of his hands on her shoulder, but to no avail.

"Actually, Miss Swan," the female doctor cut in, "you have to do exactly as they say, at least for another three months, which is exactly how long you're going to be in rehab."

"NINETY DAYS?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

"Not at all," her father told her, matter-of-factly. "I'd rather you hate us than come home to find you dead."

"I'm FINE!" she protested. "And I DO fucking hate you!"

Though she was perfectly prepared to share a few more choice words, the intense pain in her abdomen caused her to hold her stomach and double over, groaning in agony.

"Fuck, it hurts," she whimpered.

The doctor sighed and put her hand on the girl's shoulder, saying, "It's just withdrawals, honey. It'll be-"

But she was cut off by the sound of Emma expelling stomach bile all over the blankets covering her lap.

"I hate you," Emma moaned, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. Then, suddenly, she blurted out, through a wave of tears, "I want to see Thor."

"Oh, honey," her mother sighed, sitting down on the bed beside her as the doctor began to remove the blanket to clean up the mess. "Thor's just fine, okay? And you'll see him as soon as you get home from rehab."

"What about my stuff? Don't I get to-"

Again, she threw up, this time on her hospital gown, and broke into sobs.

"I HATE YOU!" she screamed again.

The doctor ignored her protests as she lifted the girl's gown up over her head and quietly slipped another one on.

"It's gonna be alright, Emma," the doctor assured her. "The withdrawals will get worse before they gets better, but you'll be okay."

"Fuck you," the girl hissed, slapping the woman's gentle hands away as she fell back on the bed and squeezed her crying eyes shut.

Of course, as soon as her parents had excused themselves back to the hallway to discuss the situation, Emma's thoughts turned to Regina, which only made her cry harder. For the first time in days, she wanted her phone, if for no other reason than to re-read all the sweet texts they'd sent back and forth over the past few weeks. But her phone was nowhere to be found. She assumed her parents had taken it to read the messages she'd been sending or purposefully left it behind. It was ironic, the way she wanted to contact Regina now, when she'd been avoiding her for days.

It was a game they seemed to be playing back-and-forth, and it all stemmed from wanting to ignore their own illnesses. Emma fell back into an anxious, restless sleep as she thought about it. Unfortunately for her, she was unable to stay asleep for long. She was out just long enough for her parents to leave and go home for the night. She woke in a sweat, covered in goose bumps, shortly after they left.

Her eyes watered as she looked around the room – possibly from the withdrawals, or possibly from tears. She wasn't sure which. When the doctor came in and saw that she was awake, Emma wiped her eyes and turned away.

"Hey, there," the doctor said softly, taking a few steps closer. "We, um… We put the IV back in. You really needed fluids."

Emma looked down at her arm and saw that this was true, then quickly began to pick at the tape that held the contraption against her skin.

"Please don't, sweetheart," the young doctor sighed. "All we want is for you to get better. You understand that, don't you?"

"I don't understand anything right now," Emma managed, trying not to scowl at the woman who was being so kind to her. "And I'm fine, by the way. I don't fucking need your help, or anyone's."

The doctor looked at her skeptically, saying, "I think it's obvious to both of us that that's not true. You almost died, Emma. The amount of poison you put in your body-"

"Listen, I really don't need a lecture from you. I get it enough from my mom, and I'm going to get plenty more in fucking rehab."

"Alright…," the young woman said slowly. "Well, if you do need anything, I'll be right close by, alright? I'm working all night. Monica is on in the morning, and she's great. You'll like her. She's very easy going, and a lot more quiet than I am. How does that sound?"

The girl hesitated, then nodded her head, replying, "A little better, I guess."

This earned a smile from the doctor as she asked, "So, is there anything I can get for you?"

"Yeah," Emma muttered. "Another fix to kick the withdrawals."

The woman sighed and shook her head.

"I hope you know that this is really-"

"Please, just stop. I don't want to be an asshole to you, but you're seriously pushing my buttons, and I'm irritable, as you know. My nose is running, I've got goose bumps, my muscles are all killing me, I have the worst cramps of my life, I'm sweating, I'm anxious… My eyes are probably dilated. I'm not really in a position to be nice to you. I get that you're just doing your job, but I really need some goddam space right now, and I don't need to be told how much this is hurting my stupid fucking family."

The woman looked at her, a little surprised, but nodded her head.

"Let me know if there's anything I can get you."

When she turned to walk away, though, Emma called after her.

"Wait! What's your name?"

"I'm Doctor Quinn."

"Doctor Quinn. Nice. Okay… Um… Doctor Quinn, is there any way I could make a phone call?"

"I guess that depends on who you want to call. Your parents said only to allow you to make calls to them…"

"Listen, I made a really big mistake, okay? And I can't really clean up my mess, so if I could  _just_ let someone know I'm going to rehab… Just so she knows… That would be really,  _really_ helpful."

"I'm sorry, Emma… I can't. I promised your parents. Just press the button to ring for me and I'll come right back if you need anything else, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever," the blonde sighed, slumping back against the uncomfortable lump of pillows and shutting her eyes.


	10. Emma's Rehab Journal

Not at all to Emma's surprise, the same rules of the hospital applied to the rehabilitation facility. No phone calls to anyone but her parents, and even those were closely monitored. After about seven days, the withdrawals were completely gone, but her urge to use was still just as strong, and her reluctance towards recovery was just as vehement.

Most of her time was spent in therapy, whether it was group or individual. (Though, this group therapy was far different from the one she'd been partaking in before.) Her free time, though, was spent writing letters to Regina. Some were short, just a few lines. Others went on for pages and pages. None of them were allowed to be sent, so she simply kept them in her journal (a new one, provided by the doctors at the facility), and re-read them at night before bed. Finally, though, she decided that enough was enough, and that it was time to write the last letter.

 _Dearest Regina,_ the letter began.  _I really fucked up. I should have been honest with you and just told you I was an addict. I was doing well for a while, though… When I met you, I just didn't feel like I needed to use anymore. But then everything went to shit… I get it, though. Why you kicked me out. You want to deal with your shit just about as much as I want to deal with my own, which is not at all. I was pushing it on you, rubbing it in your face, without meaning to. I don't know why I couldn't just back off. I guess you were right. I care too much to just let it go._

_Anyway, I wish I'd been able to at least tell you where I went, since you're probably worried. Hopefully you haven't showed up at my door looking for me yet. The last way I'd want you to find out about me going to rehab is for my parents to tell you. Yeah… That's probably what happened. Damn. Oh, well._

_Looking back, I don't regret telling you to leave. I wish you'd never found me like that. I wish you'd just stopped texting me, stopped talking to me. I wish you'd just kept pretending I didn't exist. Then you wouldn't have to be hurt or disappointed by me. Now I'm just a mistake in your life that you'll always regret. I never should have gotten involved with you. I should have told you to piss off as soon as you kissed me, to save you from all this. I wish I could have. You enchanted me, though. You drew me in and I just couldn't let go._

_I meant it when I said that I love you. I still do, and I'm sorry for everything. Hopefully, one day you'll forgive me, at least, and find someone less fucked up to take care of you and make everything right again. Thank you for all the time we've spent together. I really wish I could send this letter to you now… I guess I'll just put it in the mail when I finally get home. Sorry for the delay. I hope you're doing better, now that you don't have to deal with my bullshit. You've got enough on your plate._

_I guess that's it then. I doubt I'll see you around, since my mom is going to put me in private therapy sessions and keep me out of Group once I'm home. I'm turning eighteen shortly after I get back, but if I'm living under their roof, I'm under their rules. Guess that's how it works, anyway. Tell your mom I'm sorry too. I was really lucky to get to have you both in my life. I didn't deserve either of you._

_Bye Regina._

_With endless love,_

_Emma Swan_

Though the letter probably should have been cathartic and made her feel better, it wasn't, and it didn't. Instead, it made her feel sick to her stomach. As she sat on her bed, re-reading it, she wanted to gag, to throw up, to get rid of the feeling of remorse that washed over her. Still, even though she knew what a horrible mess it had caused, her urge to use was still intense, especially when she thought about Regina.

Part of it was that she missed the beautiful brunette, and the way the girl's hands threaded through her hair when they kissed. The way her eyes lit up when she smiled. The way the two of them roughhoused and tickled each other when they were relaxing in Regina's room on the weekends.

Part of it was the anger she felt at herself for ruining something so perfect. How weak must she have been to relapse over one rejection? Still, it had been the biggest rejection of her life, aside from the initial rejection of her parents, back when she'd been placed in foster care as a young child. For years, she'd lived the life of an abused orphan, until her parents finally got their act together and brought her 'home.' It wasn't home, though, really. Not for Emma. The only thing that felt like home there was Thor, and then… Regina.

That just made her think of the girl even more. As she lay there on her bed, Emma thought of the way she and the dog interacted, the love that filled Regina's eyes when she played with the Thor, and sighed deeply as she imagined all the could-haves that she'd ruined with her own poor choices.

Emma knew that she had to make it through rehab to go home, but she also knew that all she wanted to do was get out of there. Getting 'better' had nothing to do with it, so she faked progress, week after week, until finally, it was time to leave.

On the very last page of her journal, when asked to draw a picture of her plans for the future (but not to share them with the group), she drew only a picture of a syringe, a lighter, and a spoon full of dark liquid.


	11. Throwing it Away

Emma said nothing to her parents on the two-hour drive back to their apartment. Instead, she let her mother ramble on about how 'proud' she was, and how 'important' it was to their family that she had 'gotten better.' The girl wanted to laugh, but held it in. When they drove past Regina's house on the way downtown to the store, Emma's heart skipped a beat.

She tried to see in the windows, to catch just one last glimpse of the girl, but found that the curtains were drawn shut. It was probably for the best, she told herself, but was still bitterly disappointed. During the last mile of the drive, after they left the store, Emma made a vow to herself. Not to get 'better,' as her mother so desperately wanted… but to be more careful this time, and not to get caught.

Once in her bedroom, she pulled a shoebox down from the top of her closet and set it down on her bed, beside her journal. She relaxed against the pillow, savoring the softness that contrasted so strongly with the beds at the rehab facility. Taking a deep breath, she pulled out the last letter she'd written to Regina and read it one more time. She wanted to burn it, to tear it to pieces, but at the same time, she wanted something to remind her of her failures, so she put the journal into the shoebox and took out her lighter, a clean syringe, and a small baggie of the product that would help her forget all that pain – at least for a little while.

A few hours later, after a particularly large dose, Emma woke in her bed to the sound of her parents knocking at the door.

"Emma!" her mother called out. "Dinner's ready! I've been calling you for fifteen minutes!"

The girl quickly scrambled to throw the contraband back into the shoebox and shoved it under her bed. Feeling dizzy and groggy, Emma made her way to her bedroom door, once the items were stashed away, and turned the lock. Her mother burst in immediately.

"What are you doing?" the woman snapped.

"I… Uh…" Emma started slowly, wiping the sweat away from her forehead, then scratching at the skin of her arm as she folded them to hide the mark from the injection.

"Come down for dinner, would you? You're as skinny as a rail now. Did they even feed you there?"

When the woman turned and began to walk down the hallway, not waiting for the girl's response, Emma followed her, slowly, stumbling every few steps.

"Are you alright?" her mother finally asked, turning around to watch Emma nearly run right into her.

"F-Fine… Just… Uh… Tired."

"Hmm… I suppose that makes sense. Well, a little bit of food will perk you right up, now, won't it?"

"Um… I'm not really… Not… hun-"

"Oh, don't be silly! Dinner's on the table. You  _have_ to eat! I made lasagna!"

Emma felt her stomach drop. Lasagna just reminded her of Regina and the girl's mother, and the last thing she wanted to do was eat. Groaning under her breath, she followed Mary Margaret down the stairs into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"You alright, Emma?" her father asked, wearing his usual concerned face.

"Fine, Dad," she muttered, picking at the food on her plate with a fork.

"Eat something, honey," her mother pressed. "You're too skinny."

"I'm  _fine_ ," Emma whined, pushing her plate away.

"Sweetheart, please," Emma's father begged. "Just a few bites?"

With a sigh, Emma shoveled a few forkfuls of food into her mouth, then looked pleadingly up at the man sitting across from her.

"May I please be excused?"

"Emma, come on," he tried. "Just-"

" _Please,_ Dad. I don't want to eat any more."

The man sighed and nodded his head, saying, "You're excused."

"David!" the girl's mother cried, nearly slamming her glass of wine down on the table. "She's barely eaten anything! She's a twig!"

"If she's not hungry, I'm not going to force her to eat. I'm sure she's just tired. Right, honey?"

Emma nodded weakly, so her father flashed his wife a stern look.

"Fine," her mother conceded. "But I expect you to be up all the earlier to eat breakfast before school tomorrow."

Emma ignored her and went back upstairs into her room where she pulled her shoebox out from under the bed and used the rest of her stash of chemicals to put herself to sleep.

The best thing about going to school the next day for Emma was that she was able to replenish her supply of narcotics through old connections who were happy to see a repeat customer return for the first time in months.

"So, back on the Dragon, eh?" the young man asked with a smirk as he handed over the product, after first collecting payment.

"Yeah, whatever, man. Just give me the goods and shut up about it, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure thing, Princess. Whatever you say. You just keep bringing me the dough, and I'll keep you supplied. We've got a good thing going here. I'm glad you're back."

"Shut  _up,_ Marcus," she hissed, shoving the product into her bag and walking away from him.

For the most part, she kept to herself and said little to anyone else at school. She barely paid attention in her classes, and as a result, her grades quickly went downhill. She avoided anyone she knew from group therapy, not wanting to chance hearing anything about Regina, and kept her head down most of the time.

At home, when they got the next progress report of her grades, her parents became furious, even though they really had no idea where the problem was stemming from.

" _What?_ " Emma snapped at them, after being thoroughly scolded for her failing grades. "It's senior year! Classes are hard, okay?"

"Emma!" her mother shouted. "If you keep this up, you're not going to graduate! Don't you understand that?"

"Yeah,  _Mom._ I fucking understand that. Maybe I just don't give a shit!"

"Emma Swan!" her father cried, slamming his fist down on the kitchen counter. "That's enough! You're grounded!  _Really_ grounded this time. I want your phone and your laptop. They're going in the gun safe until you bring your grades up. Is that clear?"

"Are you fucking  _kidding_ me right now? Are you  _Satan?_ "

"Don't speak to your father that way!" Mary Margaret interjected, before her husband had a chance to say anything in response.

"Well it's his fucking fault if he's going to ground me over  _nothing!_ "

"It's not nothing, Emma! This is your life, and you're throwing it away," the man told her sadly, shaking his head in disappointment.

"You have no idea," she sighed, then turned and went up the stairs to her room.


	12. Trying Something New

Without her phone or internet, Emma was left with only her journal, the letters to Regina, her own thoughts, and the drugs. Given that she preferred not to have those thoughts, she indulged in her habit once again and allowed it to put her to sleep. Waking up four hours later, she repeated the process to get back to sleep, and only woke in the morning after she'd slept through three of her alarms for school.

She managed to get up before her mother started pounding on her door, which was a small miracle, and in the car on the way to school, she said nothing. Instead, she crossed her arms over her chest and stared out the passenger's window until they reached the destination, where Emma quickly grabbed her backpack and burst out of the door and nearly ran into the building, without saying goodbye.

During her break between classes, she sought out her supplier and found him nonchalantly chatting with someone Emma assumed to be his customer. When they were finished, she stepped up and looked him directly in the eyes.

"What do you have for me today?" she asked seriously, knowing that the answer she was looking for was, 'Lots.'

Instead, he asked, "Why don't we hook you up with a little variety, huh? Switch it up a little bit?"

"What are you talking about, Marcus?"

"You know. Switch it up. Double up. Whatever."

"You think I want to die?"

"Oh, come on now. Just be careful. It'll be a trip, I promise. I've got some blow and some Oxy, if you want to give it a shot."

"Look, just give me the Dragon, okay? I'm not fucking around."

"C'mon, babe. Just try 'em."

"You don't have any, do you…?"

"Well… Uh… Not… Not at this very second, no… But I can get some! You just… have to… you know… wait a bit."

"MARCUS!" she screamed. "You said you'd fucking keep me hooked up!"

"Look, don't freak out, okay? Just try what I've got. It'll get you by until I can set you up again."

"Whatever, but I'm paying half-price for your fuckery."

"Hell no!" he shouted, stepping back. "No way am I gonna let you fuck me like that."

Emma advanced on him quickly, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and slamming him against the locker.

"Listen, you little shit. You went back on your word, and I want compensation. If you can't give me that, I'll just have to find another dealer. Is that clear?"

"Oh, come on, Em! Lighten up! You know you don't wanna do that."

"Keep your fucking voice down," Emma hissed. "And don't you  _ever_ fucking call me that again. Now, fucking cough it up or I'll wring your fucking neck right here and now."

 _Only Regina calls me that,_ she was thinking.  _Or called. Whatever._

"Yeah, yeah. Alright. Half-price. I got it. That's fine. Just back off, alright? You're making a goddam scene."

Emma let go of his shirt and backed up, reaching into her pocket for the wad of cash she'd brought with her. When he handed over the bottle of pills and the small baggie of cocaine – discretely – Emma snatched it from him and shoved the cash into his hand, then turned and stormed off towards her next class.

In the bathroom before the next period, she popped a few of the pills and stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red, her pupils dilated. She still looked high already. Without hesitation, she slammed her fist into the glass that showed her reflection and screamed.

A few minutes later, as she was sitting down in a chair at the back of the classroom, a young man approached her cautiously and looked her up and down. She didn't notice, since she had just put her head down on the desk, on top of her pile of books, and shut her eyes, trying to block out the reality of being surrounded by other people.

"Emma?" the boy asked, sounding more than a little nervous. When she lifted her head in surprise, he continued quietly, "Listen, I know you're not in Group anymore, but, um… Regina… uh… She asked me to tell you-"

"No," Emma snapped. "I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear anything about her. Piss off, alright?"

"I'm sorry, but I promised her-"

"I don't give a shit, Bryan. Piss. Off."

"Emma, she just wants to know that you're okay, but… you seem… I mean…"

" _What,_ Bryan. What?"

"You're… You're obviously high, Emma…"

"What's it to you?"

"Emma, she really cares about you. She won't say it, but she asked me about you, and I didn't know what to say. I told her I never see you, but of course, now that I'm around you every day again, it's hard to lie to her… Can't you just tell her something? Anything?"

"If you don't leave and shut your mouth right now, I swear to God, I will end you. And if you say one fucking word to her about me, I will found out, and I will also end you."

"But I promised her I'd just tell you-"

"You can tell her I didn't want to fucking hear it, and that's all you're gonna fucking say."

"Alright," the boy conceded, swallowing the nervous lump in his throat, then mumbled a quick, "Sorry."

She sighed, dropping her head to the desk once more for a few minutes, until the teacher came in and announced the beginning of the lesson. Of course, in Emma's current dazed and intoxicated state, she paid no attention to the history lecture. Instead, she doodled strange drawings in her notebook until the bell rang and signaled the end of the period, when she stumbled her way into the next classroom.


	13. Anything to Save Her

After school, Emma found her dealer in the hallway again.

"That was the worst high I've ever had, you fuck," she hissed.

"Well, how'd you take it?"

"What do you mean? I popped the pills, idiot."

"You gotta crush it and mix it with the blow, dude," he laughed. "Don't be a retard."

"HEY!" she screamed, slamming him into the locker for the second time that day. "Call me a fucking retard again. I fucking  _dare_ you."

"S-Sorry, mate! Relax, alright? Just try what I fucking said. It's better. I promise."

"It fucking better be, because if I start fucking withdrawals, I'm gonna come after you with a goddam vengeance."

"God, Emma. You were never this much of a bitch before. What happened to you?"

"That's none of your fucking business. You just make sure you stay in line, and get me the goods, and you'll be fine. Don't it fuck it up."

"Yeah. Right. Of course. Thursday, okay?"

"Are you kidding me? It's MONDAY!"

"I know, man. I'm sorry. My source can't-"

"I don't want to hear it. If this doesn't get me through, I will  _kill_ you."

"Jesus Christ, Emma! Calm the fuck down! It'll get you through."

"It better."

So Emma left feeling apprehensive and annoyed.

When she got in the car, though, her mother's immediately asked, "Are you alright? You look-"

"I'm fine," Emma snapped. "I'm tired."

"Have you been eating?"

"What?"

"Have you eaten, Emma?"

"I… Yeah. Sure."

But of course, she hadn't.

"Good! Good. Tonight is beef stew for dinner!"

"I just ate, Mom," the girl lied. "I'm not hungry yet."

"Well we're not having dinner for a few more hours. Surely, you'll be hungry by then."

"Yeah…" Emma mumbled. "Maybe."

But when dinnertime came and she sat down at the table, she refused to eat. Another fight about her eating habits ensued, and once again, her father came to her rescue, and, to Emma's relief, excused her from the meal, much to her mother's chagrin.

After crushing the OxyContin, mixing it with the coke, and snorting it, Emma found herself in a relatively intense high that actually did take the edge off her lack of heroin, as promised. Her mouth became dry, and the skin on her arms began to itch as she started to sweat, and as she began to nod off, she noted the similarity of the high to her more intense drug of choice.

Unfortunately for her, she'd forgotten to lock her door, even though it was usually a reflex, and an hour or so later, her mother barged in on her and found her passed out on the bed with the bottle of pills and baggie half-filled with coke on her nightstand.

"Oh, Emma," the woman breathed, seeing the bottle and understanding all too well what had happened. "Darling girl…"

Before trying to wake her, she hurried down the hall to grab her husband and pull him into their daughter's room.

"What do we do?" she asked under her breath, starting to cry. "Oh, David… What do we do?"

"I don't know, honey… I honestly don't know."

He sat down beside his daughter on the bed as his own eyes began to water. She was breathing slowly and heavily, and her pulse was slow, so even though she didn't wake up, they left the room, shutting the door behind them. Downstairs at the kitchen table, they held each other's hands and hung their heads in desperation.

"David, what do we do?" the man's wife asked again, pleading with him to come up with an answer.

"If rehab didn't work the first time, it's probably not going to work this time, either. The bottom line is that she hasn't hit rock bottom, and she's not ready or willing to get better."

"But what do we  _do?_ " the woman sobbed. "How do we save her?"

"Honey… I think we're gonna have to make some sacrifices to our values…"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I think we need to get in touch with Regina."

"What?! There's no way I'm letting that girl-"

"Mary Margaret," the man sighed. "Emma loves her." The woman went silent and started to cry a little harder, but her husband continued, "I don't know what happened between them… but I know that she hates us for separating them."

"We were just doing the right thing by our daughter! I don't want her to be… to be…"

"Honey, I know, but… if she's gay, she's gay. We can't change that about her. But we might be able to give her a reason to stop this behavior. To kick her addiction."

The woman sighed and covered her face in her hands.

"I don't want her to-"

"Mary Margaret. I think what it comes down to is this: Would you rather her be in a lesbian relationship with someone who loves her and might be able to save her from this, or would you rather this addiction consume her? It's obvious that there's nothing we can do to help her. Rehab didn't work. We're desperate right now, and she's in danger. If she overdoses, and we didn't try  _everything_  to save her…"

"Oh, David," his wife sobbed. "I just want her to be healthy and safe."

"I know, darling," he said, embracing her. "It's gonna be okay. We're going to figure this out. We're just going to have to get out of our comfort zone to help her. We at least have to try. We have to do anything we can to save her. I mean, maybe this girl won't want to help at this point, after everything Emma's gone through… but if she's really the girl Emma seems to think she is, maybe she'll want to help us out. To help Emma."

"Alright," the woman sniffled. "Let's talk to her."


	14. How to Save a Life

It was late that night, but they managed to get the girl's number out of their daughter's phone while she slept off the high. Regina didn't hesitate to acquiesce to their desperate pleas for help. She arrived at the house about twenty minutes later, around eleven, in a tank-top and tight-fitting shorts. She'd probably just been sleeping when she got the call and hadn't had time to change out of her sleepwear.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Nolan," she greeted them nervously. "Listen, I'm really sorry for everything I've-"

"No, Regina," the man interjected. "We're both sorry for the way we treated you. Our daughter loves you very much, and we should have realized that earlier. We thought it was a phase, but obviously, her feelings still haven't changed."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…" the woman started slowly. "We… um… We were worried about her, and wanted to know where she was getting the… um… the drugs… and we found… um…"

"She wrote you letters the entire time she was in rehab," the woman's husband interjected.

"I… She what?"

"She loves you, Regina," Emma's father sighed. "She really, really loves you."

Regina paused, looking embarrassed and unsure of herself, then finally asked, "Where is she now?"

"She's in her room, sleeping it off," Mary Margaret replied. "I think she's still… um…"

"It's okay. I'll check on her."

"Thank you, Regina," the man said softly, touching the girl's arm. "This means the world to us. We don't know exactly what happened between you two, but… we're glad that you're willing to talk to her. I just feel like maybe that's the push she needs to kick this habit."

"I don't know if she's even going to want to see me, after everything that's happened, but I've… I've been dying to see her. And I'm going to do anything and everything I can to help, if it's possible. I promise you that."

"Thank you. You don't know how much this means…" Emma's mother told the girl.

"You know… I love her too."

This brought a smile to their lips, even though Mary Margaret's was reluctant. At that point, all that mattered was their daughter's happiness, which Emma had obviously been lacking for a long, long time.

Regina smiled back weakly, then made her way quietly up the stairs. The door creaked when she opened it, and she saw Emma stir on the bed as she rolled over onto her side. With a soft, shaky sigh, the brunette approached the bed and looked at Emma's face. The brunette bit her lip as she saw the small amount of spit at the corner of the girl's lips, and before she could steady herself, she found that she was falling to her knees beside the bed as her eyes flooded with tears.

"Oh, Emma," she whispered, reaching out with a shaking hand to wipe the spit from the corner of the girl's lips.

Next, she brushed the hair out of Emma's face, her hand still shaking, almost violently.

"Sweetheart," Regina said softly. "My sweet girl."

Emma stirred again, rolling onto her back this time, and mumbled something inaudible. Regina couldn't help but think that it sounded something like her name, though, and her heart leapt into her throat at the prospect.

"Emma," she whispered back, in response to whatever it was that the girl had said.

By then, the brunette was crying hard, but quietly, her whole body shaking at that point. When Emma's brow furrowed and she gripped the comforter in her fists, Regina reached out again and stroked her hand softly.

Without thinking further, Regina, through her tears, began to sing.

" _Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life_."

Hearing this, Emma's eyes fluttered open.

"G-Gina?" she gasped, staring at the girl kneeling beside her bed, her vision spinning.

She could feel the gentle pressure of Regina's hand on top of hers, but couldn't believe it was real. She must have been hallucinating. There was no way Regina would have-

"I'm here, baby," the girl whispered. "I'm right here."

Emma sat up and began to sob loudly, starting to shake as well.

"Gina," she cried, too scared to reach out and touch the girl, but longing to do so.

When Regina leaned in and wrapped her arms around the blonde, Emma let out a cry and choked on the air she was trying to draw into her lungs.

"Shh. It's okay, honey. It's gonna be okay."

"It's not okay," Emma sobbed. "I'm not okay."

"I know, baby, but I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

"You shouldn't be here. I don't want you to s-see me… l-like this…"

"I don't care. I'm not going to abandon you during the hardest part of your life."

"This isn't the hardest part of my life…" the blonde told her slowly.

"What?"

"Losing you was."

"I didn't… I didn't think… I was just trying to protect you from how fucked up I am. I was trying to pretend I didn't need you. But I do, Emma. I do need you. And I know you need me right now too, so I'm not gonna leave this time. Not even if you tell me to."

"Regina, please go," Emma said through the tears. "At least until I'm… until I'm sober."

"I don't care if you're high. I'm not leaving."

"But I-"

"I'm not leaving."

"Gina, please… Just let me come down from this, and then-"

But Regina cut her off, crashing their lips together. Emma kissed back, unable to resist the pull. The kiss was even more intoxicating than the drugs, and Emma's head was spinning. She tried to hold the kiss as long as possible, but the dizziness pushed her back onto the bed. The brunette got off her knees and sat down beside the inebriated girl, then leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"I love you," she whispered in Emma's ear, kissing her cheek.

"I love you too," Emma sobbed, grabbing the girl and holding her tightly. "I'm so sorry. It's just... after you kicked me out… I couldn't live with myself. I couldn't live without you."

"You don't have to," Regina assured her. "I'm never going to leave you again."

Emma paused, squeezing her eyes shut, then, after a few moments, asked, "Will you sing to me again?"

"I… I hate my singing voice. I was just…"

"Please, baby. Your voice is beautiful…"

"I… Okay," she conceded reluctantly, then cleared her throat and sang, " _Step one, you say, 'We need to talk.' He walks. You say, 'Sit down. It's just a talk.' He smiles politely back at you. You stare politely right on through. Some sort of window to your right, as he goes left and you stay right. Between the lines of fear and blame, you begin to wonder why you came. Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life."_

Emma, still crying, was put completely into a daze as she listened closely to every perfect note. By the time Regina finished the song, the brunette was curled around Emma, and the blonde had fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... That was cheesy. Oops.


	15. First Steps

In the morning, Regina was still wrapped around the blonde, who was still sleeping heavily. The girl shook Emma's shoulders gently to wake her, and Emma moaned softly in protest as she squeezed her eyes more tightly shut.

"Time for school, baby," Regina whispered. "You gotta get up."

"Nuh-uh. Headache."

"A headache's not gonna get you out of school."

It was then that the girl's mother opened the bedroom door to find the two still entangled. At first, she froze, feeling more than awkward, but forced a smile.

"Good morning, girls," she said finally. "I was thinking… I was thinking maybe you could skip school today, Emma."

"What?!" Emma gasped. "Seriously?!"

"Just today, though. I think you two need to spend some time together to… you know… work things out…"

"Mom…" Emma breathed. "Thank you so much."

"I love you, Emma. I just want you to get better."

"Wait, what?"

"I know you were using last night. That's why your father and I contacted Regina and asked her to come over. We thought… We thought you could use a… um… friend."

Emma wanted to scoff at the 'friend' comment, but instead, she just said, "Thank you, Mom."

"You're welcome, sweetie. Regina, I already contacted your mom and let her know. She's fine with you staying here today. Let me know if you two need anything."

With that, the girl's mother disappeared, even shutting the door behind her.

"Well, that was awesome," Emma said, blinking a few times, in disbelief over what had just happened.

Regina smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"I'm glad you're staying home. You're gonna need to space to cool off from the withdrawals."

"What?"

"Oh, you certainly don't think you're going to keep using, do you? That's not going to happen. We're gonna flush your stash, and I'm not letting you out of my sight to buy anything else."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's  _definitely_ not happening."

"Do you love me, Emma?" Regina asked suddenly.

"Of course I do! Don't be stupid."

"Then you'll stop."

"Regina, I  _can't._ "

"You can too. You just haven't tried."

"Yes, I have. You don't know what it's like, the withdrawals. They're horrible. They're-"

"I honestly don't care about that. I care about you being healthy, and right now, you're not."

"And I don't care about  _that!_ "

"Emma Swan. You're done with the drugs. For good. That's all there is to it."

"Regina, come on. You know it's not that easy."

"Do you want me to stay?"

"Of course I want you to stay! Regina-"

"Then you'll stop."

"You said you wouldn't leave me. You never said there was an ultimatum."

"I didn't think I needed to give you one. I thought it would be obvious."

"Regina, come  _on._ I literally  _can't._ "

"You stopped for ninety days, didn't you?"

"And those ninety days were  _horrible_. Do you know what it was like to be without you?"

"Yes, actually. I fucking do. I don't know if you realize this, but I was without you too. And I had to live with the guilt of pushing away." Emma went quiet and looked away, so Regina continued, saying, "You have me now. You don't have to use."

Slowly and reluctantly, Emma nodded.

"Alright. As long as you're not leaving, I'll do it. I'll kick the drugs."

"I love you, Emma," the brunette told her with a bright, triumphant smile. "I'm proud of you."

"Well, I haven't done it yet, so that's pretty ridiculous. All I've done is fuck up so far."

"But you're willing to stop, and that's the first step."

"Ugh. Don't talk to me about steps, alright? I heard enough of that shit in rehab."

Caught off guard by this, Regina said, "I'm sorry. I was just trying to-"

"It's okay. If you're gonna be here for me, I can do this. I just can't do it without you."

"You don't have to. I'm going to be here to get you through it."

"Then I'm not gonna give up," Emma told her. "Let's go flush this shit."

"Really?"

"Really. Come with me."

So, they made their way to the bathroom with the rest of the Oxy and the baggie of coke. Emma's hands shook a little as she hesitated to dump the items, so Regina reached out and touched her shoulder.

"It's okay, babe. You can do it."

Taking a deep breath and emptying the contents of the pill bottle and the plastic bag into the toilet, Emma quickly flushed it and backed away. As soon as the contents were gone, she started to cry and sat down on the floor of the bathroom.

"It's okay, honey," Regina assured her, kneeling beside her and kissing the top of her head. "It's gonna be okay."

"What if I can't do this?"

"You can. This doesn't have to rule your life."

Emma paused, then braved saying, "Listen, if I have to kick this habit, you have to kick yours."

"What are you talking about?"

"You have to start eating. And keeping it down."

"Emma… That's different. That's not gonna kill me or destroy my family and relationships."

"You don't think your health affects me?"

"Well, I-"

"It does. It really does."

"I can't…"

"If I have to get healthy, so do you! This can't be a double standard. I'm not budging on this."

"Alright," the brunette sighed, pushing a hand through her hair. "Let's get some breakfast then."

Downstairs, Emma's mother had made bacon and eggs and served them with a small smile as both as they sat at the table. Emma watched Regina out of the corner of her eye as the girl at slowly, only taking tiny bites. To the blonde's surprise, the girl actually finished two thirds of what was on her plate.

Once Emma's mother had disappeared back into the kitchen, Emma leaned in and whispered, "I'm proud of you, baby. You did great."

"You too," Regina said, kissing Emma's lips quickly before the girl's mother could return.


	16. Getting Through It

Emma ended up staying home for the next few days, as she was suffering from withdrawals, and her parents could see how severe they were. Regina, with permission from her mother to miss her own lessons, stayed right by the girl's side, leaving only to use the restroom.

Emma broke into sobs every few hours.

"It hurts," she cried, holding her stomach. "My guts are falling out."

"They're not falling out, baby. They just hurt. I promise they won't fall out."

"They're fucking falling out!" the girl screamed, slamming her fists on the bed.

"Shh," Regina cooed. "It's alright. It'll pass."

"I'm  _dying_ ," Emma moaned. "DYING."

"You're not dying, babe. In a few days this will all be over. I'm sure you'll still crave it, but the withdrawal symptoms will go away, and it won't hurt so badly."

The brunette wiped the sweat from her lover's brow, but Emma tried to pull away.

"Don't touch me. I'm sweaty and itchy and gross!"

"Honey," Regina sighed. "You might be sweaty and itchy, but you're certainly not gross."

"I wanna diiiiie."

"You're not dying, Emma Swan. You're gonna push through this."

"No! I want a fix. Gina,  _please_."

"Never again, remember? We talked about this."

"I know, but I'm  _dying._ "

"Emma! You're not fucking dying!"

"Everything okay in here, girls?" Mary Margaret asked, poking her head in the doorway.

"Yeah, we're alright," Regina answered. "She thinks that she's dying and that her guts are falling out, but it's just the withdrawals. It'll pass, whether she believes that or not."

"Regina…" the woman said slowly. "Thank you, for taking care of her better than we ever could."

"It's not that, Mrs. Nolan. It's just that no teenagers want to listen to their parents. It's engrained in our brains."

The woman laughed at this and nodded her head, wiping a tear from her cheek.

"Anyway, thank you. And I just want you to know… You're welcome here anytime, okay? We're gonna head out to the store and run some errands. We'll be back in a few hours."

Regina looked a little surprised at this, but nodded her head, not knowing what to say. Mary Margaret left them alone, shutting the door behind her.

Emma was still squirming and moaning on the bed, gripping the sheets in anguish.

"Shh. Baby, it's okay. I'm right here," Regina whispered, stroking the girl's cheek.

This settled her somewhat, causing her to stop moving, but she continued to grip the sheets in her fist.

"I love you," she whimpered, groping for her lover's hand.

"I love you too, Emma. You'll get through this. I promise."

A few days later, Emma finally began to feel some relief and found herself more capable of calm conversation. She lay in Regina's arms and took slow, deep breaths as she regained control over her body. The sweating and itching had stopped, and her mouth was less dry than before. Still, the cravings were strong, but it didn't physically hurt anymore. Her guts were securely settled inside her body.

"See?" the brunette whispered. "I told you you'd be alright."

"Only 'cause you're here," Emma countered.

Regina shook her head, saying, "You're strong, Emma. You didn't need me here."

"No. You got me through this. I'm doing this for you."

"Baby…"

"I know I'm supposed to do it for me, but I just wasn't ready to let go of my vices. I wasn't ready to face reality or give up that crutch. It was too hard, on my own."

"You're right; you should do this for you… but that being said, the fact that you're doing this for me says a lot."

"And what does it say, exactly?"

"It says that you love me, idiot," Regina laughed, leaning in and kissing the girl's lips slowly.

"I do," Emma muttered against her lips, then kissed her lover again.

"I know that now.  _Really_ know it."

"And I'm glad you do. Now, promise me that, whatever happens, you won't forget it."

"I won't, babe. I promise."

"Good!" Emma said happily, squeezing the girl into a tight hug. "You're perfect, you know."

"I'm far from it, but I'm flattered that you're crazy enough to think so."

"Hey. Don't talk like that. I'm not crazy…"

"Oh, Emma… I didn't mean it like that… I just meant…"

"No, I know. I just need you to trust me and believe what I say."

"I do, Emma."

"Good. Now, kiss me."

So Regina leaned in and pressed their lips together again, this time slipping her tongue past Emma's lips as they parted. The kissed deepened until Emma moaned softly into her lover's mouth, urging Regina to continue. The brunette took the hint and began to slide her hands under the girl's shirt and up her sides, softly stroking the skin there. Emma's muscles tensed, remembering the wounds on her own sides, but by then, all of the cuts had healed and were now just scars, so she relaxed when she realized that it wasn't going to hurt and simply leaned back against the pillows, allowing Regina's hands to wander.

For the first time, the brunette's gentle hands slid over her lover's breasts and squeezed them gently, making Emma moan louder into the kiss. Hearing the muffled sound startled Regina, so she froze and pulled away, looking anxiously at Emma's face for any signs of discomfort or objection. Finding none but still feeling unsure, she let her lips hover over her lover's and waited for her to say something.

"Don't stop," Emma breathed. "Please, don't stop."

So, Regina continued, kissing the girl once more and groping her a little more roughly, which served to make Emma's moans louder.

When their lips broke apart for them to draw breath, Emma gasped, "Babe…" as she gripped at the back of Regina's shirt, pulling it up just slightly as she bunched the fabric in her fists.

"Em," the girl breathed, placing kisses all over her face, but this time, not on her lips. The closest her kisses came was the corner of Emma's lips.

"No, come on," the blonde whined. "Kiss my lips."

Regina smirked, her stomach flooding with butterflies at the sound of Emma's pleas.

"You want me to kiss you?" Regina teased, touching her lips just to the side of Emma's mouth.

"I want you to make love to me," Emma replied, her voice pressured and desperate.

The brunette's mouth fell open.


	17. Wet Already

"N-Now…? Are… Are you sure?" Regina asked anxiously, her voice shaking.

"If you want to," Emma said softly, trying to catch her breath.

"I… I want to…"

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"I'm… Yes. I'm ready."

"Alright. Then make love to me."

"I've never… I don't know what to do…"

Emma's eyes widened, but instead of expressing her surprise that the beautiful girl had never been sexually active, she said, "That's alright, babe. I'll show you." She adjusted herself against the pillows and took the girl's hands, pressing them against the bare skin of her abdomen. "Tell me what you want to do first, though."

"I want… I want to take your shirt off. I want to feel your breasts…"

Of course, the girl was blushing, and seeing this made Emma red in the face as well. Still, she pulled her lover on top of her until Regina was straddling her hips, then guided the girl's hands as they removed her shirt, but when they reached her bra, Regina hesitated.

"Wait," she said softly. "I'm…"

"If you don't want to do this, we don't have to," the blonde quickly assured her. "We don't have to do anything you're not ready for."

"I'm ready… I'm just scared."

"Baby, it's just me. You don't have to be scared."

"But what if I'm horrible in bed? What if-"

"You won't be. I'm gonna show you how to touch me, and you're going to be a pro by the time we're finished." Regina's eyes widened, so Emma, loving the reaction, added, "And I'm gonna make you come so hard you fucking cry."

At this last comment, Regina felt suddenly nauseous, but she also felt something else. Wetness pooled between her legs, and her breath caught in her chest.

When she didn't say anything, her lover looked concerned and asked, "You okay?"

"I'm… You're…"

"What is it, baby?"

"I'm wet already."

Emma burst into a smile and pulled the girl closer until their chests were pressed together.

"Good," she whispered. "That's what I want."

"Emma, I…" Regina started, her hands lingering behind Emma's back near the clasp of her bra.

"It's okay, honey. Go ahead."

So, Regina removed the garment and tossed it to the side, never taking her eyes off the perfect display in front of her.

"Emma," she breathed. "Holy shit."

"Yeah?" the blonde asked with a smirk, feeling good about her body for the first time in years.

"You're perfect."

"I'm not perfect, but I'm glad you like what you see. My turn?"

When Regina nodded, Emma unbuttoned the girl's shirt and pulled it off, then unclasped her bra, letting it fall forward and slip down her arms.

"Wow," Emma whispered. "You too."

The brunette blushed even brighter (if that was even possible), and Emma relished the look on her face.

"Touch me, Gina," the girl whispered, staring deeply into her lover's brown eyes.

Regina drew in a shaky breath, but sat up slightly and moved her hands up the girl's sides and over her breasts, making the blonde shiver beneath her touch. When Emma grabbed her hands and pressed them closer, the girl squeezed a little harder, making Emma whimper with pleasure.

"Yeah, hun…" she told her. "Like that."

The harder Regina groped her, the louder Emma's moans became, until her body began to react as well. Slowly, and without her consent, her hips pressed up against the girl straddling her. This time, it was Regina's turn to moan as her mouth fell open when she felt the friction between her legs. Emma was surprised to see the look of ecstasy on the girl's face as she shut her eyes and leaned her head back.

"Babe, that's so hot," Emma whined, gripping the girl's hips tightly.

When this motion and just a little more friction caused a reaction, Emma smirked and pulled down as she pressed her hips up, intentionally that time.

"That feel good, baby?" the blonde cooed, still staring up as Regina's face twisted in pleasure.

"Uh-huh," she whimpered in response, slowly rocking her hips forward.

Emma gasped, surprised at the girl's movement, and met the gentle thrust with her own.

"So good," Regina moaned, but Emma's movements suddenly stopped, and her hands slid down to the girl's thighs, rubbing them lightly. In reaction to the lack of pressure between her legs, the girl whimpered, "Emma… Emma, d-don't… Don't stop."

"I can make it even better. Do you trust me?"

When Regina opened her eyes and nodded, Emma took the girl's hands and pressed them against the top button of her jeans. The girl hesitated again, but slowly unclasped the button and lowered the zipper. She dismounted and knelt beside her lover, then slowly slid the pants down past Emma's ankles. When the girl seemed to be staring, the blonde took her hand again, this time slipping it into the waistband of her underwear. Regina took the hint, but removed the article of clothing at a painstakingly slow pace that drove Emma wild.

"Let me watch you take yours off," the blonde suggested, stroking the girl's side with her fingertips.

Regina shivered, then slowly slid her own nervous fingers down to the button and zipper of her own pants. She lowered those slowly too, and once those were off and the brunette's fingers were gripping the waistband of her panties, Emma's mouth began to water in anticipation. As soon as those were off too, she reached out and pressed her hand against the girl's abdomen, feeling the softness of her skin.

When the brunette knelt between her legs, Emma could tell by the passion in her eyes that she was ready, but she asked anyway, to be sure.

"You ready?" she asked softly, sliding her hands over the girl's bare hips. When Regina nodded, Emma stared up into her eyes and said, "Alright. Put your hand between my legs and just... just touch me. However you want."

"But, I-"

"However you want, babe. Just touch me."

As soon as the coolness of Regina's fingertips touched the flesh between her legs, Emma gasped. When she felt pressure on her clit, she let out a soft cry and shivered beneath her lover's touch, surprised at how quickly the girl had found it.

Hearing this made Regina freeze as she asked, "Is… Is this okay?"

"Yeah, babe," Emma breathed, nearly panting. "Just like that."

So, Regina, still nervous about her own performance, continued to touch the girl's most sensitive area, and with each stroke, Emma alternated between gasps and moans. The sound of her lover's pleasure only served to soak the top of the inside of Regina's thighs in her own wetness, and the louder those noises became, the more she could feel the slickness there.

"Babe," Emma gasped as the pressure of the girl's touch increased. "I want you inside me."

Regina froze again, afraid to make a mistake, but when Emma lifted her hips to regain friction, she was encouraged, and slowly, she slipped the tip of her finger into her lover's core. It was immediately soaked with Emma's wetness, and Regina was surprised at how smoothly her finger went in.

She was distracted by the look of pleasure on the girl's face, until the blonde finally whimpered, "Deeper, baby. Push it in me."

The pleas heated Regina's own core until it was hot, almost burning her from the inside. Desperate to hear more, she pulled her finger out just slightly, causing Emma to cry out.

"Baby, please," Emma moaned. "I need you."

Wanting to hear even more of the girl's begging, but not wanting to deny her lover the pleasure of her touch, she pushed her finger deeper and pressed the palm of her hand against her clit.

"Oh, my God," the blonde gasped. "That feels so good…" After crying out once more as Regina moved her finger out and then thrust it back in slowly, she pleaded, "One more, baby. One more."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus commences the first of three chapters or Swan Queen smut!


	18. One More

"One more what, babe?" Regina teased, finally gaining the courage to take control as Emma's pleas became more desperate.

"Regina," the blonde whimpered. "Please."

When the girl began to squirm beneath her, Regina pulled her finger out, then positioned two at her entrance, just barely slipping them inside.

"Oh, God.  _Please_."

By the time her lover finally gave in and slipped both fingers inside, Emma was frantic for release.

"H-Harder," she begged, thrusting her hips up to meet her lover's movements.

Instead, though, Regina smiled and slowed her thrusts, making them more gentle.

"Come on, baby," Emma pleaded, squeezing her eyes shut to release a few agonized tears. "Please."

"You squirm more when it's slow," Regina mused, carefully moving her fingers in and out, stopping every few seconds to let the pressure build back up inside her lover's core. "I like it."

"Well, I don't," the girl beneath her whined, thrashing on the bed.

"Oh, yes, you do," the brunette cooed. "You know you do. And you're moaning like you're in a porno."

"You watch porn?" Emma gasped, her eyes snapping open.

The girl just seemed too innocent for that to be true.

"Maybe," she teased in response. "Sometimes."

"Oh, God," Regina's lover moaned, throwing her head back against the pillows. "Thinking about you touching yourself is gonna make me come."

"No, it's not," Regina said quickly. "I am."

With that, she thrust her fingers in hard and deep, and Emma screamed, so the brunette blushed and tried not to laugh.

"D-Don't… Don't laugh at me. I'm gonna…  _Fuck_."

As Regina kept thrusting, Emma's walls began to clench, and the brunette could feel the pressure increase around her fingers.

"You gonna come, baby?" Regina whispered, then leaned in and drew a line from Emma's collar bone up to her ear with her tongue.

"Fuck!" Emma screamed.

But that was all it took to push her over the edge. With one last thrust, Emma moaned loudly, crying out her lover's name as she came hard around the girl's fingers. A few softer moans escaped as Emma continued to rock her hips against the girl's hand and the orgasm slowed, after which Regina was practically drooling in response. When she did pull her hand away, Emma gasped for air, opened her eyes again, and stared up at the girl who was starting to straddle her hips. Not quite ready for the pleasure to be over, Regina reached down and twisted one of Emma's nipples, making her whimper and slowly buck her hips. This, Regina was not expecting, for some reason, and she was caught off guard by the friction between her own legs as Emma pressed up against her.

When the blonde finally caught her breath, she rocked her hips again and whispered, "You like that?"

Regina nodded, tilting her head back and shutting her eyes again as Emma continued her gentle movements. Soon, Regina was pressing down against her and moaning with each little thrust. At that point, Emma grabbed her hips and pulled them down as she pressed up again. This time, the pressure was too much to stay quiet, and Regina cried out. As soon as the noise poured into her ears, Emma let out a satisfied sigh and kept rocking her hips up, harder and harder, until their were tears of pleasure in her lover's eyes.

When she saw them, Emma let go of the girl's hips with one hand and slid her fingers between her lover's folds.

"Do you want it?" the blonde husked, just barely pressing her fingertip against Regina's clit.

" _Yes,_ " the girl moaned, grinding her hips down to increase the pressure Emma was giving her.

Emma rolled them quickly, expertly, and knelt between Regina's legs. At first, she continued to rub the girl's clit, until her gasps and whimpers were too much to take.

"Put it in me, Emma," the brunette pleaded. "Do it. Please."

"You  _are_ so wet," Regina's lover cooed seductively, sliding her fingers up and down between the girl's folds. "They're gonna slip right inside you, so easily, babe."

"I know," Regina whimpered. "I know. Please.  _Please._ "

Emma moved her attention back to her lover's swollen clit and rubbed it vertically, then in little circles, with her thumb. As the pressure increased, so did the brunette's desperate pleas as she whimpered in agony.

"You're so fucking slick right now," Emma teased her, moving two of her fingertips to the girl's entrance and waiting for a reaction. "Is that all for me, babe?"

" _Yes,_ Em," the girl moaned. " _Please._ "

The blonde leaned in until her lips were close to Regina's ear, whispering, "Remember what I said? I'm gonna make you come so hard you cry."

Regina nodded, saying one more desperate, "Please," before Emma pushed her fingers into her core, hard and fast, making her cry out.

"Oh, shit," the brunette gasped, over and over, as Emma kept thrusting in and out, harder and harder, until Regina was screaming and fighting back tears. "Fuck.  _Fuck._ "

"That's it, baby," Emma whispered. "Come on."

But just as she felt Regina's walls begin to clench, she slowed her pace and reduced the force of each thrust, until her fingers were barely moving.

"What are you doing to me?" Regina cried. "Fuck me!"

"I am fucking you," the blonde husked in her ear, still just barely moving her fingers in and out. " _Slowly_. Till it hurts."

"Oh, God," her lover whimpered. "It  _does_ hurt. I want it so bad."

"Good. That's exactly what I wanted to hear."

This continued for more minutes than Regina could stand, and every time Emma moved her fingers at all, she gasped and cried out or pleaded with the girl to thrust harder. But Emma wouldn't budge. Instead, she waited for the opportune moment to let her finish, which took at least three more minutes after that, during which Regina desperately thrashed on the bed beneath her as she tried to produce more pressure and friction. When the girl's walls began to clench even harder, Emma knew she was ready. It was only then that she began to move harder and faster, until Regina was screaming. Just as Emma predicted, when her lover finally came, she was crying from relief.

"See, babe?" Emma whispered. "I told you."

"Oh, Em," Regina breathed. "That was perfect."


	19. That is Hot

"Thank God my parents left, huh?" Emma asked with a smirk, stroking some hair out of Regina's face. "You were screaming like a banshee."

"Oh, shut up, Emma," Regina groaned, obviously embarrassed.

"Oh, come on, babe. I was just joking!"

"Yeah, yeah. Just get over here."

The brunette wrapped her arms around her lover and pulled her close, kissing her forehead.

"I love you," Emma said softly, kissing the girl's cheek.

"I love you too, baby."

"So, that was okay?"

"That… That was perfect."

"I did say I'd-"

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up."

Emma laughed and kissed the girl's cheek again, smiling triumphantly.

"You did pretty well yourself there, darling."

"Yeah?"

"Come on. You heard me begging, and you totally milked it."

This earned a grin from her lover as she replied, "Yeah, well… The perfect opportunity arose, so I took it."

"Like a pro."

"Really?"

"Mhmm."

Regina paused, then said, "That really was straight out of a porno."

"Hey, fuck off, alright? I couldn't help it. What you did to me… It's unbelievable. In the best way."

The brunette, still smiling, replied, "It was fucking hot, you know."

"Oh, yeah…? You liked me begging and sweaty?"

"I  _loved_ you begging and sweaty."

"No mercy for me, huh?"

"Nope. None. You had none for me either!"

"No, that's true," Emma replied with a smirk. "I didn't."

After a short nap, lying naked and entangled in each other's arms, Emma woke to the sound of her mother in the hallway. Quickly, she threw on a shirt and shook her lover awake to do the same. Just in time for the woman to poke her head into the room, they were dressed.

"Dinner's ready, guys," the girl's mother announced happily. "Come on down."

Throughout the entire meal, the two girls exchanged knowing glances at each other, and even shared a few sly smiles as their feet bumped each other under the table. After they'd both finished eating, Emma quickly asked to be excused, and when her father agreed, the two hurried back up the stairs into her bedroom. After watching a short Disney movie, just to relax, the two leaned back on the bed, with Emma's arm wrapped around her lover's shoulder as she held the girl close and shut her eyes.

"Emma…" Regina said softly.

The blonde opened her eyes.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Are you… Are you tired?"

"Uh… kinda. Why?"

"I, um…"

"Oh!" Emma said loudly, eyes wide. "You wanna… Oh."

"I… Um… I mean… Only if you want to."

"Oh, trust me. I want to."

So, the two took turns exploring each other's bodies, going much slower that time than before. They took the time to find every crevice and every sensitive bundle of nerves, including Emma's delicate spot behind her knees. Regina's hands slid up and down her thighs until they were shaking with anticipation. The girl was slick with her own wetness, and Regina noticed immediately as the pool between her lover's legs grew just a little with every brush of her fingertips.

"You like that, babe?" she whispered, as quietly as possible, so the girl's parents wouldn't hear.

"I love it."

Regina kept touching her, tracing her fingertips in little circles over the girl's skin until finally, she blurted, "I want to taste you."

Emma froze and gripped the sheets, staring at her lover, who was staring at the wetness between her legs.

"Babe, I…"

"Please, Emma. I just… I want to know what you taste like."

"Alright."

"But how do I…"

"It's okay, hun. Just let your mouth move wherever you want, just like your fingers did. Just… touch me anywhere you want."

The brunette moved to the bottom of the bed, then held her lover's legs apart to gain easier access to her core. At first, her tongue was slow as it explored Emma's folds, in a very different way than her fingers had before. This continued until her lips were soaked with Emma's fluids. When she paused to look up at her lover, her eyes seductive and dark, she dragged her tongue along her own lips, slowly, to put on a show for the woman she so desperately wanted to please.

Emma moaned, squeezing her eyes shut, and whimpered, "Don't fucking tease me. I can't take it. You're too fucking sexy."

"I think you like it," Regina said quietly. "And I think you should open your eyes."

As soon as she did, the brunette slipped her fingers easily into Emma's core, and the girl would have cried out if her hand hadn't flown up to cover her mouth to block the sound. Regina's fingers didn't stay there long, though. Just a few gentle thrusts, before she pulled her fingers out and raised them to her lips as Emma stared, her mouth watering at the sight. When Regina slipped her fingers between her own lips and started to suck on them, Emma groaned and shifted her hips.

"Gina…"

But the brunette had no plans of stopping or taking it easy on her lover, so she let her tongue swirl around her index finger as she licked it until it was clean.

"Oh, fuck," Emma breathed, as soon as Regina dipped her fingers back into her core. "Wait… Gina… I wanna taste you too…"

So, Regina stopped, bit her lip, and considered her options. She could let Emma use her own fingers, or…

The brunette decided against that option and went with the other. Kneeling between Emma's legs, she moved her hand between her own legs and slid two fingers inside, thrusting them up a few times, moaning softly as she did it, then removed them. At first, she just looked at them with a smirk, then looked up at Emma, who was clearly captivated by the display.

"I…" Emma started, but Regina silenced her by raising two fingers to her lover's lips.

The blonde started by licking her lips, then gently pulled Regina's hand forward and took the two digits into her mouth, sucking the fluid off of them and swirling her tongue around them to finish the job.

"Oh, wow," Regina said. "That is hot."

"Yeah?" Emma asked slyly, sucking the girl's fingers into her mouth again.

When Regina nodded, she sucked a little harder, then removed the girl's fingers and looked into her eyes.

"This is better than heroin, you know," Emma told her suddenly, locking her gaze on Regina.

"Really?" the girl asked in disbelief.

"Really. Give me that every day, and I'm good to go."

"Every day, huh?"

" _Every_ goddam day."

"I think that can be arranged," Regina told her, smiling slyly.


	20. Something to Consider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. Discussion of rape and other issues.

In the morning, Emma rolled onto her side and watched her lover sleep. When the girl woke, she smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Hey, sleepy."

"Hey," Regina replied drowsily.

"Was last night okay?"

Seeing the anxious look on the girl's face, the brunette quickly replied, "Yeah, honey. It was perfect. I just…"

"What? What is it, babe?"

"I just feel weird about you seeing me naked like that…"

"Why? Did I do something wrong?"

"No. I'm just gross."

"Regina! You're not gross! And if I didn't think your body was beautiful, I would have shut off the lights."

"It was scary… letting you see me. But… I trust you. And that's what made it okay."

Emma kissed her lover's lips and smiled, saying, "You're beautiful, honey. Absolutely gorgeous."

"You're weird."

"Aw, don't kid yourself," the blonde joked. "You love it."

"Of course I do."

* * *

For Emma, the sex was better than the heroin, and given that from then on out, she got it almost every day, she did well fighting her addiction. Of course, there were cravings. Intense ones. But overall, she fought the urge to use and was happy to come home to her devoted girlfriend almost evening. Both their parental units seemed to be supportive, and as long as they kept their grades up (which even Emma did), they were allowed to spend just about as much time with each other as they wanted.

They took turns having sleepovers at each other's houses, and for the most part, they got along with their families. Emma's mother couldn't have been happier with her progress, and her father felt much the same way.

"I'm proud of you," he'd say, almost every morning. "You're doing good, kid. Really good."

Her mother would just smile and nod, kissing her cheek before she left for school. They almost never fought. Emma was eating, and even Regina was able to stomach an almost-full meal three times a day. A few times, she even had snacks when Emma wanted to. And the two couldn't have been more in love.

One morning, over breakfast, Regina had an interesting proposition.

"Why don't you come back to Group?" she asked cautiously, earning a look of skepticism from her girlfriend.

"Why? Don't you think I'm doing well?"

"You're doing  _great_ , Emma. I just think it might help for you to deal with some of the things that started your addictions in the first place."

"Addictions? Plural?"

"Cutting is an addiction, too, and I think you know that."

"I haven't done that in ages. Anyway-"

"Nevertheless, I'm just wondering. If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to, but I think it's something you should consider."

"Alright," Emma conceded. "I'll think about it."

Two weeks later, Emma found herself in the room where she'd met Regina, preparing for her first Group meeting in months.

"Hey," Regina whispered. "It's gonna be alright. You know you don't have to talk if you don't want to."

Emma forced a smile, but was still nervous as the other students filed into the room and formed a circle. After the doctor greeted them, welcomed Emma back, and the first Group member started to speak, Regina took her hand and squeezed it to reassure her that everything would be fine, without using words.

The blonde appreciated this, but was still uncomfortable being back in a situation where she was encouraged to share her most personal thoughts and experiences.

After one girl's story of a brutal rape, the doctor leading the session asked, "Does anyone want to go next?"

Emma hesitated and looked panicked, but raised her hand, earning a look of shock from her girlfriend who was sitting beside her.

"I do," she said quietly, then began, "When I was in foster care, at fourteen, in the second family I was with, my foster father raped me. I've never told anyone before today. I never reported it to my caseworker. I never told my parents. I barely wanted to admit to myself. I haven't even told my girlfriend." Emma paused to look over at the girl beside her, then continued, "But it's the reason I started cutting, and that's why I'm here. Once I was back in the custody of my real parents, and they found out about my cutting, they sent me here. I kept the secret of my addiction to drugs pretty well. Just a few friends – other druggies – and a dealer knew about it. I was doing well for a while, after I first started coming to Group, but when my parents first found out about me and Regina, they flipped a shit and wouldn't let me see her. We ended up splitting up, and then I made some shitty decisions and relapsed. My parents didn't find out until I overdosed and they found me in my bedroom. I just couldn't live with the memories, you know? I couldn't live with myself. It felt like my fault. It felt… I don't know. I ended up in rehab and totally blew that off. Withdrawals sucked, but I just bided my time until I could get home and use again. And that's exactly what I did. Then, they found me passed out, totally high, on my bed, a few days after I got back. They didn't know what else to do, other than ask Regina to talk to me, so they did. Now, we're back together, I'm clean, and I have a much better relationship with her. And my real parents."

The group went silent, staring at Emma as she wiped a few stray tears from her eyes.

When she looked over at Regina the second time, the girl was crying.

"Wow, Emma," the doctor finally said. "You have a really amazing story. A painful one, but one that's obviously made you a stronger, better person. So, can you tell us what ultimately inspired you to get clean and change your life?"

"That's easy," Emma told the group. "Regina."

The girls' eyes met, and Emma smiled during Group for the very first time.

"I got clean for her, but now I'm clean for me. Sometimes, it just takes a little inspiration, you know? You gotta use whatever excuse you can to get clean and sober."

"That's absolutely right, Emma," the therapist agreed. "Ultimately, you should do it for yourself, but whatever excuse you can find to get yourself healthy is one you should hold onto. Thank you so much for sharing with us today."

"You're welcome. Thank you guys for listening to me whine."

"It's not whining, Emma," Regina cut in, sniffling and wiping the tears from her cheeks. "It's your life, and it's important."

Emma nodded weakly, then went quiet as the next person took their turn to speak.


	21. Six Months

"I'm so proud of you," Regina told Emma, once the two were back at Regina's house. "That was amazing. I can't even imagine how much strength it took to say that to everyone there. It's… It's incredible…"

"Everyone there has been through something in their lives that has hurt them and put them in therapy. I think what I realized was that I'm not going to get better if I don't make an effort to confront my demons and that not everyone there was going to judge me. Actually, it didn't seem like anyone did, surprisingly enough."

"I don't think anyone judged you, either. Like you said, we're all there for a reason. But it's wonderful that you were brave enough to share all that with them. And with me…"

"I'm just sorry I didn't tell you first. I didn't really intend on sharing today, but I… it just sort of needed to come out. You should have been the first person I told. I just… It was really hard. I'm sorry."

"Babe, no! Don't be sorry! I completely understand. Group is a safe place."

"But so are you. You're a safe place too. We've been so intimate with each other. It's crazy that I felt like I couldn't tell you. I just bottled it so deep inside…"

"I get that."

"I'm really glad. It was definitely scary."

"Emma… I am anorexic…"

"Babe…"

"I was raped when I was younger. He told me I was disgusting and fat and that no one would ever love me, so I… I just sort of… started hating myself, and it was just… how I coped… I needed to control something in my life. Anything."

"I understand," Emma told her, quickly wrapping her arms around the beautiful brunette. "Thank you for telling me. I know it's hard to talk about, but I really appreciate that you feel like you can open up and share that with me."

"I have trust issues, Emma, but I… I trust you."

"I love you so much, angel" the blonde sighed, kissing the girl's temple and holding her close. "You mean everything to me."

"I can say the same," Regina replied with a smile. Then, reaching up to stroke her lover's hair, she sighed, "Your hair is so soft. And  _long_ … It's gorgeous."

"You know what you've never tried?"

"Huh?"

"You've never tried pulling it…"

When Regina's eyes went wide, a grin spread across Emma's lips. Any time she could make the girl blush or shock her at all was a victory. She loved getting a reaction out of the brunette.

"Would you like that…?" Emma's lover finally asked.

"I think I'd like to try making it a little rough, yeah…"

Now, Emma was blushing. What if she freaked her out? What if Regina-

"Me too." Wide eyed and surprised, the blonde quickly turned a brighter shade of red before Regina added, "I'd try anything with you."

Of course, this only served to widen her lover's eyes even more as she failed to reply. In response to her silence, Regina leaned in and caught her lips. This kiss quickly became heated and pressured, until their hands were wandering and exploring each other's bodies. Their lovemaking ended with bruises and red marks covering their skin in several places, with each of them panting and gasping for air as they collapsed next to each other on the bed.

"That was  _wild,_ " Emma breathed. "Who knew you were such a little vixen?"

"Certainly not me," Regina giggled, her cheeks turning a darker shade of red than they already were from the exertion.

"Well, I love it."

"You got pretty freaky yourself, babe," the brunette teased, playfully nudging her lover's shoulder with a grin.

"Yeah, well… What can I say? I can't hold myself back around you."

"Good. I don't want you to."

* * *

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

"GOOD MORNING, BABY!" Regina exclaimed, lifting Thor up onto the bed and setting him down on top of Emma to wake her from her slumber.

It was only six in the morning, so Emma just grumbled loudly as the dog unreservedly licked her face. Then, she shoved the corgi off in Regina's direction and rolled away, covering her head with her pillow, but the brunette was persistent. She quickly began to tickle the girl's sides as Thor barked happily and hopped down off the bed, until Emma was squirming and laughing loudly.

"Stop it!" she protested through giggles. "It's too early for this shit!"

Regina did stop, but her level of excitement refused to wane.

"Do you know what today is?!"

"Uh… No? Not at six o'clock in the morning, I don't."

"You're six months clean today!"

"Oh, shit! Yeah, you're right! Wow…"

"Wow is right, darling! I am SO proud of you! And so is Thor!"

"Ah, it's nothin'," Emma laughed, shaking her head and brushing off Regina's enthusiasm.

"No, really, Em. This is an amazing day that you should be proud of."

Suddenly, Emma felt bad about pushing the dog away and wished that he was back up on the bed, cuddling her as he lay between the two girls.

"Will you grab Thor again? I really want some of the little guy's amazing hugs. And yours."

Regina obliged happily, picking up the dog and setting him down between them on the bed. He licked both of them fervently and flashed his famous dog smile. The girls laughed and hugged him, then shared a kiss.

They lay in bed like that, enjoying the summer heat that poured in through the open window of Regina's bedroom, until Thor fell asleep between them.

"I really am proud of you," the brunette told her lover with a bright, sincere smile. "And I love you more than anything."

"More than Thor?!" Emma joked.

"Just a little bit."

The two laughed before falling back asleep for another twenty minutes or so. When they finally rolled out of bed around noon, they went downstairs and made pancakes for lunch. Both ate contentedly and enjoyed each other's company as they sat beside each other at the table (with Thor whining and begging for scraps as he lay curled up at their feet on the floor). Regina cleared her plate last, but finished everything on it, including the maple syrup.


End file.
